she was born and grew up in budapest.

It is an honor and a pleasure to share my thoughts about the extraordinary person Sally, Henry, David, Steven, and I were privileged to have as our mother. 

She was born and grew up in Budapest.  During her early childhood years, she lived comfortably with her parents and sister in an apartment three blocks away from the ornate Parliament building that is Budapest’s foremost landmark.   Education was an important part of my mother’s upbringing.  By the time she was 10, she was fluent in Hungarian, English, French, and German.  She maintained her proficiency in all four languages for the rest of her life.

Two events changed my mother’s life dramatically well before her teen-age years.  Her father died when she was 10 years old.  Nearly two years before his death, World War II began.  Hungary was spared that war’s intensive fighting until its last year but daily living nonetheless became increasingly difficult.  By late October 1944, the war had reached the outskirts of Budapest.  The advancing Russian army was determined to drive the Germans from the city and the Germans were intent on resisting till the last man. 

From November 1944 through March 1945, Budapest was under siege and subjected to constant heavy bombardment, artillery fire, and other forms of intensive combat.  During those five months and for many months afterwards, my mother lived with my grandmother and aunt in the basement of their apartment building, along with many others.  Food and water were in very short supply.  One day during the siege, my mother had to travel to another part of the city.  Her journey involved crossing the Danube River on one of the beautiful bridges for which Budapest is well known.  Just after she got off the bridge, it was blown up.  It was a miracle that my mother survived that day and the other days of the siege.

The European portion of World War II ended in May 1945 but Russian troops remained in Hungary.  When my mother finished a secondary school affiliated with the Catholic Church in May 1948, the Hungarian Communist party was firmly in control of the government.  My mother wanted to attend the university and study chemistry.  However, that option was closed because she did not come from a working class or peasant background. 

To obtain the opportunities she desired, my mother decided that she had to leave the country she loved deeply.  All of Hungary’s neighbors except Austria had communist governments.  Consequently, the only route to freedom was to cross the heavily fortified and mined Hungarian border with Austria.

Without telling my grandmother, my mother took a train from Budapest to a town near the border one day in June 1948.  That evening she walked across the border into Austria.  Again, it was a miracle that she was not hurt or killed. 

My mother spent five months in a refugee camp in Austria while she waited to be processed for admission to the United States, where her uncle and aunt had settled.  On Christmas Eve of 1948, she arrived in New York City to live with them.

These intense experiences my mother had as a teenager shaped her character and her outlook on life.  Thankful for the opportunity to pursue what she wanted to do, my mother was determined to make the most of it.  This drive to excel was evident from the moment she enrolled at Bryn Mawr College in January 1949.  She finished four years of college in 2.5 years, graduating magna cum laude in June 1951.  She went on to obtain a Master’s Degree in chemistry from Harvard.  Between graduating from Bryn Mawr and enrolling at Harvard, my mother married my father, adding a whole new dimension to her life.  They had a happy and strong marriage for nearly 61 years.    

My mother excelled at everything she did, including her professional work, growing orchids, playing tennis, and cooking delicious meals and wonderful desserts for her family, relatives, my father’s professional colleagues, and my parents’ friends.  Dinner parties and other functions she hosted were always beautifully done with every detail addressed.  Like my father, she was an excellent conversationalist, displaying constant interest in others and their activities and discussing numerous issues knowledgeably.  Not surprisingly, my parents had a wide circle of friends and an active social life in their younger years.

My mother was also very pragmatic.  She recognized there were things in life that could not be controlled but that it was important to take advantage of whatever opportunities were present and look to the future with hope and optimism. Time and again, she adapted to new circumstances, making homes for her family in Wellesley, Massachusetts; Miami; and finally in nearby Bethesda.  She did the same in her professional life, constantly reinventing herself long before that concept became in vogue.  Though my mother had a bright future as a chemist, she gave it up to raise five children.  Once her first two children were in elementary school, she developed new areas of professional expertise, working as a therapist for children with specific reading disabilities at the Massachusetts General Hospital and in schools in Wellesley and in Bethesda.  She subsequently was a research assistant in clinical psychology at the National Institute of Mental Health and then worked as a budget analyst there.   

While always the quintessential lady, polite and respectful to others, my mother had strong views and was not afraid to express them.  She never left anybody in doubt about how she felt about an issue.  When so many of us say what we think others want to hear, my mother’s candor was utterly refreshing. 

My mother was extremely generous with her time, labor, and talents to assist others.  She helped my aunt and uncle and my grandparents resettle in the United States when they left Hungary after the failed 1956 uprising against the communist government.  She volunteered at a hospital and at the Hillwood Estate Museum and Gardens in Washington for many years.  She was a long-time member of the budget committee of the Board of Directors of the apartment building in which my parents have lived since 1987.        

My mother lovingly expected her children to meet the same high standards she set for herself.  She lavished praise when we performed well but it was also made clear to us when we needed some improvement!  My siblings’ and my professional and other successes are due in no small part to the example my mother set and her values of self-discipline, hard work, organization, and excellence.  It’s no wonder she found my father to be an outstanding partner; he, too, excels at life’s core skills. 

When a debilitating illness affected my mother during the last 10 years of her life, she gave her all to get better.  However, she made the most of her condition, up to the very end.  Sadly, my mother is no longer with us.  However, I am sure she is busy working in Heaven, helping the Lord make it an even better place than when she arrived 10 days ago. 

I could not have asked for a better mother.



march 4, 2012
by christopher white webster