Some things I have come to over time... Be true. Know the value of authenticity. Lead with your heart. Move through the world with the ease of someone who isn't always looking for something more or better, because it's not where you think it is. (not from a self-help book - just from paying attention.)
I try to remember that I have no idea what most people around me are going through and start from a place of knowing I don't know. It creates a softness where there could have been disapproval or annoyance or hard edges.
Monday, July 17, 2017
Saturday, July 15, 2017
I'd like to meet someone that wants to be an active participant in a relationship of our own devising!
I've recently gotten into relationship anarchy, I think a lot of the rules we have about relationships are baseless and potentially harmful. I'd like to meet someone who is a good listener, and a good talker, that wants to be an active participant in a relationship of our own devising! That's not all going to happen on the first date or anything, just something to be aware of.
Except most women including me connect intimacy with their heart.
hi, you have a beautiful, beautiful profile, i especially like your self-summary. beautifully written and succinctly stated. :)
with kind regards and love always, hippie lou
Yesterday - 8:20pm
Hi, thanks. I liked your profile as well. The answers on your summary were kind of hippie like..lol. I hope you don't smoke tobacco.
Yesterday - 8:59pm
thanking you very much for your kind words. i do smoke tobacco, it's something very recent and i don't intend to keep it up for very long. but i understand having a strong dislike for it; my wife smoked and it bothered me a lot for our entire (19) year marriage. i often wondered what i was thinking when i was dating her; i guess it wasn't as important then.
i want to be up front as well - i think your profile is clear about you looking for a long-term partner, which i totally respect and understand. i take my intimate relationships very seriously, and look for deep and wide-ranging connections, but also allow myself the freedom to follow intimacy and love wherever and whenever it presents itself in my life. for me, it is a necessary condition for sustained health and well-being. i realize this is not in concert with the preferences of many women on this site, and also in the world as we know it, so i like to be up front about it with those i correspond with so as to minimize the possibility of a misunderstanding.
having said that, you seem like someone i would really like to get to know, but understand if the aforementioned is a deal-breaker.
with kind regards and love always, hippie lou
Yesterday - 9:15pm
Wow, okay, let me gather my thoughts... If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with? That's pretty much how most guys are, nothing new. Except most women including me connect intimacy with their heart then can and do get hurt!
Today - 1:48am
i realize this approach is not in concert with the preferences of many women on this site, and also in the world as we know it. i'm not in this life to hurt anyone, it's the last thing i would ever want to do.
with kind regards and love always, hippie lou
Yesterday - 8:20pm
Hi, thanks. I liked your profile as well. The answers on your summary were kind of hippie like..lol. I hope you don't smoke tobacco.
Yesterday - 8:59pm
thanking you very much for your kind words. i do smoke tobacco, it's something very recent and i don't intend to keep it up for very long. but i understand having a strong dislike for it; my wife smoked and it bothered me a lot for our entire (19) year marriage. i often wondered what i was thinking when i was dating her; i guess it wasn't as important then.
i want to be up front as well - i think your profile is clear about you looking for a long-term partner, which i totally respect and understand. i take my intimate relationships very seriously, and look for deep and wide-ranging connections, but also allow myself the freedom to follow intimacy and love wherever and whenever it presents itself in my life. for me, it is a necessary condition for sustained health and well-being. i realize this is not in concert with the preferences of many women on this site, and also in the world as we know it, so i like to be up front about it with those i correspond with so as to minimize the possibility of a misunderstanding.
having said that, you seem like someone i would really like to get to know, but understand if the aforementioned is a deal-breaker.
with kind regards and love always, hippie lou
Yesterday - 9:15pm
Wow, okay, let me gather my thoughts... If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with? That's pretty much how most guys are, nothing new. Except most women including me connect intimacy with their heart then can and do get hurt!
Today - 1:48am
i realize this approach is not in concert with the preferences of many women on this site, and also in the world as we know it. i'm not in this life to hurt anyone, it's the last thing i would ever want to do.
Friday, July 14, 2017
I got lost in the confusion of Bipolar I disorder.
Dear David,
I want to apologize for the 'tone' of my conversation last night.
I got lost in the confusion of Bipolar I disorder and forgot that the core of your humanity is love, light & kindness: a beautiful, amazing man.
I want to apologize for the 'tone' of my conversation last night.
I got lost in the confusion of Bipolar I disorder and forgot that the core of your humanity is love, light & kindness: a beautiful, amazing man.
A virágnak megtiltani nem lehet.
You cannot bid the flower not bloom; it thrives
When, on mild zephyrs’ wings, the spring arrives.
A girl is spring, her love a scented flower,
Which buds and blooms ’neath balmy air and shower.
When first I saw thee, dear, I fell in love
With thy fair soul the tender charm thereof.
With that soul’s beauty, which I ever see
Reflected in thine eyes bewitchingly.
The question rises sometimes in my breast —
Shall I, or others by thy love be blessed?
These thoughts pursue each other in my mind,
As sun rays’ clouds, when blows the autumn wind.
Knew I another waited thy embrace,
Could kiss the milk and roses of thy face,
My broken heart I far away would bear,
Or end in death the depth of my despair.
Shine down on me, O star, so born to bless!
And light the dreary night of my distress!
O my heart’s pearl! if thou can’st love me, love,
And blessing shall be thine from God above.
When, on mild zephyrs’ wings, the spring arrives.
A girl is spring, her love a scented flower,
Which buds and blooms ’neath balmy air and shower.
When first I saw thee, dear, I fell in love
With thy fair soul the tender charm thereof.
With that soul’s beauty, which I ever see
Reflected in thine eyes bewitchingly.
The question rises sometimes in my breast —
Shall I, or others by thy love be blessed?
These thoughts pursue each other in my mind,
As sun rays’ clouds, when blows the autumn wind.
Knew I another waited thy embrace,
Could kiss the milk and roses of thy face,
My broken heart I far away would bear,
Or end in death the depth of my despair.
Shine down on me, O star, so born to bless!
And light the dreary night of my distress!
O my heart’s pearl! if thou can’st love me, love,
And blessing shall be thine from God above.
Mental illness, physical injuries... all just symptoms of a wounded spirit.
From: Hippie Lou
Date: Thu, Jul 13, 2017 at 8:20 PM
Subject: Re: Love you <3
To: Gordon Peters
you speak to me, you speak for me brother. with so much love always. you are an inspiration to me and my guide every moment, truly. <3
On Thu, Jul 13, 2017 at 7:15 PM, Gordon Peters wrote:
Letting the disclaimers that placated the people I never wanted to please go... pleasing myself and those who really care about me in the process. I will live my life as a spiritual person, as a spiritual worker. It is always who I've been, always how I've been in community. I lived with a very profound spiritual wound for a long time... it almost killed me. It ravished my mind, my body... when spirit is wounded, mind and matter start to decay, become wounded themselves. Mental illness, physical injuries... all just symptoms of a wounded spirit... it is with a healed spirit that I will heal my mind and body... it is humbling myself before the divine energy of the universe that heals my spirit, that gives me a new life... new health.
Date: Thu, Jul 13, 2017 at 8:20 PM
Subject: Re: Love you <3
To: Gordon Peters
you speak to me, you speak for me brother. with so much love always. you are an inspiration to me and my guide every moment, truly. <3
On Thu, Jul 13, 2017 at 7:15 PM, Gordon Peters wrote:
Letting the disclaimers that placated the people I never wanted to please go... pleasing myself and those who really care about me in the process. I will live my life as a spiritual person, as a spiritual worker. It is always who I've been, always how I've been in community. I lived with a very profound spiritual wound for a long time... it almost killed me. It ravished my mind, my body... when spirit is wounded, mind and matter start to decay, become wounded themselves. Mental illness, physical injuries... all just symptoms of a wounded spirit... it is with a healed spirit that I will heal my mind and body... it is humbling myself before the divine energy of the universe that heals my spirit, that gives me a new life... new health.
Thursday, July 13, 2017
I have never forgotten, and I will never forget my beloved niece Shanika.
February 6, 2017
David L. Webster
4002 12th Street
Long Island City, NY 11101
Your Honor,
I am writing in reference to Shanika Taylor in the matter before the court of custody of her sons A'Lonte and Ayden Taylor.
I am Shanika's uncle and have known her for her entire life.
I obtained a profound understanding of the quality of Shanika's character in 2011. Up until that point in my life I had experienced nothing but success. I had completed a Ph.D. at the University of Chicago, had established a thriving management consulting business serving pharmaceutical and biotechnology companies, and was raising my daughter with my wife Pam in a comfortable house in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. My family and I had an idyllic life.
I started suffering from an undiagnosed illness in 2007 that ultimately turned my and my family's world upside down. On January 8, 2011, our home in Nazareth was foreclosed. We had nowhere to go. None of my family members, including my parents and my three brothers and one sister, all of them of substantial means and with spacious accommodations, offered us any assistance. Although some of my friends were supportive, none of them stepped forward to offer the three of us a place to stay.
Into the breach stepped Shanika. Not wanting us to go into a homeless shelter, she generously offered me, my wife, and my daughter Kaisha a place in her apartment. Shanika was critical to my family's ability to regroup and get on our feet again, and we are all thriving today due in large part to her generosity. I cannot imagine where we would be without Shanika's empathy, her compassion, and her willingness to share her limited resources with a family in need.
I have never forgotten, and I will never forget my beloved niece Shanika. I can attest to her character in this letter with words, but Shanika demonstrates her character every day with something far more important - deeds. Despite our significant age difference, Shanika is a role model for me and I aspire every day to live up to her example of kindness and compassion, her example of sacrifice for others.
I have witnessed that same spirit of sacrifice and support countless times with her sons Zachariah, A'Lonte, and Ayden. I have seen with my own eyes and felt with my own heart the love Shanika has for her children, and I have never witnessed any incidents of physical and emotional abuse.
In closing, I will say simply that I hold Shanika in my highest esteem.
With kind regards,
David L. Webster
David L. Webster
4002 12th Street
Long Island City, NY 11101
Your Honor,
I am writing in reference to Shanika Taylor in the matter before the court of custody of her sons A'Lonte and Ayden Taylor.
I am Shanika's uncle and have known her for her entire life.
I obtained a profound understanding of the quality of Shanika's character in 2011. Up until that point in my life I had experienced nothing but success. I had completed a Ph.D. at the University of Chicago, had established a thriving management consulting business serving pharmaceutical and biotechnology companies, and was raising my daughter with my wife Pam in a comfortable house in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. My family and I had an idyllic life.
I started suffering from an undiagnosed illness in 2007 that ultimately turned my and my family's world upside down. On January 8, 2011, our home in Nazareth was foreclosed. We had nowhere to go. None of my family members, including my parents and my three brothers and one sister, all of them of substantial means and with spacious accommodations, offered us any assistance. Although some of my friends were supportive, none of them stepped forward to offer the three of us a place to stay.
Into the breach stepped Shanika. Not wanting us to go into a homeless shelter, she generously offered me, my wife, and my daughter Kaisha a place in her apartment. Shanika was critical to my family's ability to regroup and get on our feet again, and we are all thriving today due in large part to her generosity. I cannot imagine where we would be without Shanika's empathy, her compassion, and her willingness to share her limited resources with a family in need.
I have never forgotten, and I will never forget my beloved niece Shanika. I can attest to her character in this letter with words, but Shanika demonstrates her character every day with something far more important - deeds. Despite our significant age difference, Shanika is a role model for me and I aspire every day to live up to her example of kindness and compassion, her example of sacrifice for others.
I have witnessed that same spirit of sacrifice and support countless times with her sons Zachariah, A'Lonte, and Ayden. I have seen with my own eyes and felt with my own heart the love Shanika has for her children, and I have never witnessed any incidents of physical and emotional abuse.
In closing, I will say simply that I hold Shanika in my highest esteem.
With kind regards,
David L. Webster
In meantime I would like you to ask you if you could stay in my apt.
B/e
Thank you for info!
I will reach out!
In meantime I would like you to ask you if you could stay in my apt while
I am traveling from 20 July to 27 July and take care of my cats- give them food and change a cat litter ?
Pls let me know and if course you can sleep over here and use utilities !
With love
M/e
Thank you for info!
I will reach out!
In meantime I would like you to ask you if you could stay in my apt while
I am traveling from 20 July to 27 July and take care of my cats- give them food and change a cat litter ?
Pls let me know and if course you can sleep over here and use utilities !
With love
M/e
i also am very concerned about endangering the harmony of my living situation.
i have left keys to my apartment with a friend
if, in emergency, or in respite, you would like to stay there, you are welcome, on a few conditions....
i know these things are more or less out of your control but there is a crotchety crazy super and a loud drunk neighbor so PLEASE do not come if you feel it might be difficult to encounter these types of people. PLEASE. i am very torn because i want you to have a lovely place to relax and noodle around and feel the jersey breeze, but i also am very concerned about endangering the harmony of my living situation. please use your best judgment.
and please be ready to vacate by july 6 because we're gonna come home in a hot mess
if you want to arrange to pick up keys from my friend you can call him
please keep me posted either way
if, in emergency, or in respite, you would like to stay there, you are welcome, on a few conditions....
i know these things are more or less out of your control but there is a crotchety crazy super and a loud drunk neighbor so PLEASE do not come if you feel it might be difficult to encounter these types of people. PLEASE. i am very torn because i want you to have a lovely place to relax and noodle around and feel the jersey breeze, but i also am very concerned about endangering the harmony of my living situation. please use your best judgment.
and please be ready to vacate by july 6 because we're gonna come home in a hot mess
if you want to arrange to pick up keys from my friend you can call him
please keep me posted either way
The artist becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state.
Our national strength matters, but the spirit which informs and controls our strength matters just as much. This was the special significance of Robert Frost. He brought an unsparing instinct for reality to bear on the platitudes and pieties of society. His sense of the human tragedy fortified him against self-deception and easy consolation. "I have been" he wrote, "one acquainted with the night." And because he knew the midnight as well as the high noon, because he understood the ordeal as well as the triumph of the human spirit, he gave his age strength with which to overcome despair. At bottom, he held a deep faith in the spirit of man, and it is hardly an accident that Robert Frost coupled poetry and power, for he saw poetry as the means of saving power from itself. When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses. For art establishes the basic human truth which must serve as the touchstone of our judgment.
The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure. He has, as Frost said, a lover's quarrel with the world. In pursuing his perceptions of reality, he must often sail against the currents of his time. This is not a popular role. If Robert Frost was much honored in his lifetime, it was because a good many preferred to ignore his darker truths. Yet in retrospect, we see how the artist's fidelity has strengthened the fibre of our national life.
If sometimes our great artists have been the most critical of our society, it is because their sensitivity and their concern for justice, which must motivate any true artist, makes him aware that our Nation falls short of its highest potential. I see little of more importance to the future of our country and our civilization than full recognition of the place of the artist.
If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him. We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth. And as Mr. MacLeish once remarked of poets, there is nothing worse for our trade than to be in style. In free society art is not a weapon and it does not belong to the spheres of polemic and ideology. Artists are not engineers of the soul. It may be different elsewhere. But democratic society--in it, the highest duty of the writer, the composer, the artist is to remain true to himself and to let the chips fall where they may. In serving his vision of the truth, the artist best serves his nation. And the nation which disdains the mission of art invites the fate of Robert Frost's hired man, the fate of having "nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope."
I look forward to a great future for America, a future in which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint, its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose. I look forward to an America which will not be afraid of grace and beauty, which will protect the beauty of our natural environment, which will preserve the great old American houses and squares and parks of our national past, and which will build handsome and balanced cities for our future.
I look forward to an America which will reward achievement in the arts as we reward achievement in business or statecraft. I look forward to an America which will steadily raise the standards of artistic accomplishment and which will steadily enlarge cultural opportunities for all of our citizens. And I look forward to an America which commands respect throughout the world not only for its strength but for its civilization as well. And I look forward to a world which will be safe not only for democracy and diversity but also for personal distinction.
Robert Frost was often skeptical about projects for human improvement, yet I do not think he would disdain this hope. As he wrote during the uncertain days of the Second War:
Take human nature altogether since time began . . .
And it must be a little more in favor of man,
Say a fraction of one percent at the very least . . .
Our hold on this planet wouldn't have so increased.
Because of Mr. Frost's life and work, because of the life and work of this college, our hold on this planet has increased.
The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure. He has, as Frost said, a lover's quarrel with the world. In pursuing his perceptions of reality, he must often sail against the currents of his time. This is not a popular role. If Robert Frost was much honored in his lifetime, it was because a good many preferred to ignore his darker truths. Yet in retrospect, we see how the artist's fidelity has strengthened the fibre of our national life.
If sometimes our great artists have been the most critical of our society, it is because their sensitivity and their concern for justice, which must motivate any true artist, makes him aware that our Nation falls short of its highest potential. I see little of more importance to the future of our country and our civilization than full recognition of the place of the artist.
If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him. We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth. And as Mr. MacLeish once remarked of poets, there is nothing worse for our trade than to be in style. In free society art is not a weapon and it does not belong to the spheres of polemic and ideology. Artists are not engineers of the soul. It may be different elsewhere. But democratic society--in it, the highest duty of the writer, the composer, the artist is to remain true to himself and to let the chips fall where they may. In serving his vision of the truth, the artist best serves his nation. And the nation which disdains the mission of art invites the fate of Robert Frost's hired man, the fate of having "nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope."
I look forward to a great future for America, a future in which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint, its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose. I look forward to an America which will not be afraid of grace and beauty, which will protect the beauty of our natural environment, which will preserve the great old American houses and squares and parks of our national past, and which will build handsome and balanced cities for our future.
I look forward to an America which will reward achievement in the arts as we reward achievement in business or statecraft. I look forward to an America which will steadily raise the standards of artistic accomplishment and which will steadily enlarge cultural opportunities for all of our citizens. And I look forward to an America which commands respect throughout the world not only for its strength but for its civilization as well. And I look forward to a world which will be safe not only for democracy and diversity but also for personal distinction.
Robert Frost was often skeptical about projects for human improvement, yet I do not think he would disdain this hope. As he wrote during the uncertain days of the Second War:
Take human nature altogether since time began . . .
And it must be a little more in favor of man,
Say a fraction of one percent at the very least . . .
Our hold on this planet wouldn't have so increased.
Because of Mr. Frost's life and work, because of the life and work of this college, our hold on this planet has increased.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
mādhukarī, aka: madhukarī, madhukari; 2 definition(s)
Nāṭyaśāstra (theatrics and dramaturgy)
Madhukarī (मधुकरी) refers to a type of syllabic metre (vṛtta), according to the Nāṭyaśāstra chapter 16. In this metre, the seventh, the eighth and the ninth syllables of a foot (pāda) are heavy (guru), while the rest of the syllables are light (laghu). It is also known by the name Bhujagaśiśubhṛtā.
⏑⏑⏑¦⏑⏑⏑¦⎼⎼⎼¦¦⏑⏑⏑¦⏑⏑⏑¦⎼⎼⎼¦¦
⏑⏑⏑¦⏑⏑⏑¦⎼⎼⎼¦¦⏑⏑⏑¦⏑⏑⏑¦⎼⎼⎼¦¦
Madhukarī falls in the Bṛhatī class of chandas (‘rhythm-type’), which implies that verses constructed with this metre have four pādas (‘foot’ or ‘quarter-verse’) containing nine syllables each.
Nāṭyaśāstra (नाट्यशास्त्र, natya-shastra) refers to both the ancient Indian tradition of performing arts, (e.g., theatrics, drama, dance, music), as well as the name of a Sanskrit work dealing with these subjects. It also teaches the rules for composing dramatic plays (nāṭya) and poetic works (kāvya).
General definition (in Hinduism)
Mādhukarī (माधुकरी).—A saintly mendicant who takes a little food from each householder's place like a bee gathering honey; a system of begging adopted by a mendicant.
Madhukarī (मधुकरी) refers to a type of syllabic metre (vṛtta), according to the Nāṭyaśāstra chapter 16. In this metre, the seventh, the eighth and the ninth syllables of a foot (pāda) are heavy (guru), while the rest of the syllables are light (laghu). It is also known by the name Bhujagaśiśubhṛtā.
⏑⏑⏑¦⏑⏑⏑¦⎼⎼⎼¦¦⏑⏑⏑¦⏑⏑⏑¦⎼⎼⎼¦¦
⏑⏑⏑¦⏑⏑⏑¦⎼⎼⎼¦¦⏑⏑⏑¦⏑⏑⏑¦⎼⎼⎼¦¦
Madhukarī falls in the Bṛhatī class of chandas (‘rhythm-type’), which implies that verses constructed with this metre have four pādas (‘foot’ or ‘quarter-verse’) containing nine syllables each.
Nāṭyaśāstra (नाट्यशास्त्र, natya-shastra) refers to both the ancient Indian tradition of performing arts, (e.g., theatrics, drama, dance, music), as well as the name of a Sanskrit work dealing with these subjects. It also teaches the rules for composing dramatic plays (nāṭya) and poetic works (kāvya).
General definition (in Hinduism)
Mādhukarī (माधुकरी).—A saintly mendicant who takes a little food from each householder's place like a bee gathering honey; a system of begging adopted by a mendicant.
libra, here are three different angles on your long-term destiny.
PART 1
For a bald eagle in flight, feathers are crucial in maintaining balance. If it inadvertently loses a feather on one wing, it will purposely shed a comparable feather on the other wing. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this strategy has metaphorical meaning for your life in 2017. Do you want to soar with maximum grace and power? Would you like to ascend and dive, explore and scout, with ease and exuberance? Learn from the eagle's instinctual wisdom.
PART 2
"The self in exile remains the self, as a bell unstruck for years is still a bell," writes poet Jane Hirshfield. I suspect that these words are important for you to hear as you prepare for 2017. My sense is that in the past few months, your true self has been making its way back to the heart of life after a time of wandering on the outskirts. Any day now, a long-silent bell will start ringing to herald your full return. Welcome home!
PART 3
I am rooting for you to be flagrantly unique in 2017. I vehemently want you to be uninhibited about expressing your deepest, rawest, hottest inclinations. In this spirit, I offer the following four rallying cries: 1. "Don't be addicted to looking cool, baby!" - my friend Luther. 2. Creative power arises when you conquer your tendency to stay detached. - paraphrased from poet Marianne Moore. 3. If you want to be original, have the courage to be an amateur. - paraphrased from poet Wallace Stevens. 4. "In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few." - Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki.
For a bald eagle in flight, feathers are crucial in maintaining balance. If it inadvertently loses a feather on one wing, it will purposely shed a comparable feather on the other wing. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this strategy has metaphorical meaning for your life in 2017. Do you want to soar with maximum grace and power? Would you like to ascend and dive, explore and scout, with ease and exuberance? Learn from the eagle's instinctual wisdom.
PART 2
"The self in exile remains the self, as a bell unstruck for years is still a bell," writes poet Jane Hirshfield. I suspect that these words are important for you to hear as you prepare for 2017. My sense is that in the past few months, your true self has been making its way back to the heart of life after a time of wandering on the outskirts. Any day now, a long-silent bell will start ringing to herald your full return. Welcome home!
PART 3
I am rooting for you to be flagrantly unique in 2017. I vehemently want you to be uninhibited about expressing your deepest, rawest, hottest inclinations. In this spirit, I offer the following four rallying cries: 1. "Don't be addicted to looking cool, baby!" - my friend Luther. 2. Creative power arises when you conquer your tendency to stay detached. - paraphrased from poet Marianne Moore. 3. If you want to be original, have the courage to be an amateur. - paraphrased from poet Wallace Stevens. 4. "In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few." - Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki.
If possible maybe you could take up employment if you are able to?
Your lawyer had emailed me
That you needed help. I cannot financially assist
You but was just curious as to how you are holding up. If possible maybe you could take up employment if you are able to? Or no? Don't know the inner workings so please forgive
Me if anything I say is ignorant
14m 8 minutes ago
errrmmm
hippie lou
i don't think it was my lawyer
4m
Sent
Sorry
dhaval*
It was your counsellor
4m
i sent you an email with a pdf in it
hippie lou
that was from me
4m
Sent
Ohhhh okay
dhaval*
Did someone help out
4m
hippie lou
it contained a report from my therapist
4m
Sent
Yes sir that is what I meant
dhaval*
My mistake
4m
it is no problem, there are no mistakes.
you can never make one, truly. :) xo
hippie lou
universe is abundant, we always seem to get what we need. :) xo
3m
Sent
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
I should do so not as a Brahmin, Kshatriya, Vaishya or Shudra, but as an Atishudra.
I DO NOT want to be reborn. But if I have to be reborn, I should be born an untouchable, so that I may share their sorrows, sufferings, and the affronts leveled at them, in order that I may endeavour to free myself and them from that miserable condition. I, therefore, prayed that, if I should be born again, I should do so not as a Brahmin, Kshatriya, Vaishya or Shudra, but as an Atishudra.
I have been providing him with food, shelter & essentials for a few years now.
Hello Ms. Kelsick,
I wanted to connect with you to introduce myself and also to apologize for having to cancel our scheduled meeting for last Thursday 5/4. I just returned from a trip to Mexico on 5/3 and, unfortunately due to some water or food intake, had become very sick.
I was looking forward to meeting with you since I've heard many good things about you and the work you and Catholic Charities do from David. I also remember how well David responded to the program he attended there. I can say, without reservation, that it was a pivotal point in his recovery process at that time.
As you probably know, David lives with me and I have been providing him with food, shelter & essentials for a few years now. I meet David in 2008 just before he became acutely ill and have been involved in his recovery process since that time.
I'm more than sure that you must have a very busy schedule but would very much appreciate if we can set up another appointment to meet and discuss the current situation regarding David. Please let me know what are the best dates and times for you and I will work with you to confirm.
I copied Steve Dawson on this email since I have been in contact with him also regarding David.
Thank you for time and efforts.
Respectfully,
Meral Bozkurt
I wanted to connect with you to introduce myself and also to apologize for having to cancel our scheduled meeting for last Thursday 5/4. I just returned from a trip to Mexico on 5/3 and, unfortunately due to some water or food intake, had become very sick.
I was looking forward to meeting with you since I've heard many good things about you and the work you and Catholic Charities do from David. I also remember how well David responded to the program he attended there. I can say, without reservation, that it was a pivotal point in his recovery process at that time.
As you probably know, David lives with me and I have been providing him with food, shelter & essentials for a few years now. I meet David in 2008 just before he became acutely ill and have been involved in his recovery process since that time.
I'm more than sure that you must have a very busy schedule but would very much appreciate if we can set up another appointment to meet and discuss the current situation regarding David. Please let me know what are the best dates and times for you and I will work with you to confirm.
I copied Steve Dawson on this email since I have been in contact with him also regarding David.
Thank you for time and efforts.
Respectfully,
Meral Bozkurt
in my efforts to accurately inform future intimate partners.
hi,
i will be visiting dr. lerner, my primary care physician,
at the end of july.
any information that you and/or your medical
providers are able to provide him about your std
history would be extremely useful in my efforts
to accurately inform future intimate partners
regarding my exposure to sexually transmitted diseases.
dr. lerner's contact information is below. he is bound
by HIPAA, which protects your confidentiality. i have
also included a link which gives an overview of the
regulations and i'm sure dr. lerner would be able to answer
any questions you might have.
with kind regards and love always, me
Barron Lerner MD, PhD
Bellevue Hospital Center
C&D Building #230
462 1st Avenue
NY NY 10016
212 562 6674
i will be visiting dr. lerner, my primary care physician,
at the end of july.
any information that you and/or your medical
providers are able to provide him about your std
history would be extremely useful in my efforts
to accurately inform future intimate partners
regarding my exposure to sexually transmitted diseases.
dr. lerner's contact information is below. he is bound
by HIPAA, which protects your confidentiality. i have
also included a link which gives an overview of the
regulations and i'm sure dr. lerner would be able to answer
any questions you might have.
with kind regards and love always, me
Barron Lerner MD, PhD
Bellevue Hospital Center
C&D Building #230
462 1st Avenue
NY NY 10016
212 562 6674
Sunday, July 9, 2017
Glad to hear from you especially after what I believe was a spurious report.
Thankyou! Glad to hear from you especially after what I believe was a spurious report just now that your therapist had written to say you had had a manic episode yesterday. I told her you looked fine to me and charmed that elderly woman at the bar.
:)
:)
How are you experiencing this?
I wanted to reach out and see how you are doing. I am out of the area and don't have cell service. I will be out all next week but I can email. I have gotten a few concerning emails from people in Your care team and I am really concerned, as it sounds like things are getting intense out there for you. How are you experiencing this? Does it seem like the risk is starting to outweigh the reward? Does it make sense for you to go back on medication and work towards creating a new support system and trying again when things in Your life get more settled? I wish I was there to help and I would urge you to contact Dr Atim again to discuss this in More detail but please let me know your thoughts on this. It seems like every red flag that you mentioned has come up and I am worried for you.
Steve
Steve
Yes i did call Dr. Dawson on your behalf.
HL,
You are a good man HL and we all love you that is why we are concerned. I am your brother for life. I have always been honestly with you in life, love and everything in between.
There is nothing to be ashamed about. This game we call life is not easy, but having family that cares makes it a little easier.
Yes i did call Dr. Dawson on your behalf. I have nothing to hid. It was done out of love and support.
You are a good man HL and we all love you that is why we are concerned. I am your brother for life. I have always been honestly with you in life, love and everything in between.
There is nothing to be ashamed about. This game we call life is not easy, but having family that cares makes it a little easier.
Yes i did call Dr. Dawson on your behalf. I have nothing to hid. It was done out of love and support.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE NOTIFIED ABOUT ANY OF THOSE NEGATIVE OUTCOMES.
Dear friend,
I'm writing an IMPORTANT message:
When I was living in NY, we always had a conversation about the possibility of you getting sick. You are in a manic episode.
You gave me authorization to take you to the hospital if needed. I am not there to fulfill this commitment and make your wish done.
As a responsable patient and mature adult I am asking you to CHECK IN AT THE HOSPITAL VOLUNTARILY.
Being things are they are right now the manic episode has escalated to risky point, I am concern because it might lead to:
-involuntary hospitalization,
-problems with the police
-or a "visit" to Rickers.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE NOTIFIED ABOUT ANY OF THOSE NEGATIVE OUTCOMES.
PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING.
Check in: voluntarily at the hospital of your preference.
If you want any assistance contact Steve and he will help you.
Your friend,
#takecourage
#D2L
I'm writing an IMPORTANT message:
When I was living in NY, we always had a conversation about the possibility of you getting sick. You are in a manic episode.
You gave me authorization to take you to the hospital if needed. I am not there to fulfill this commitment and make your wish done.
As a responsable patient and mature adult I am asking you to CHECK IN AT THE HOSPITAL VOLUNTARILY.
Being things are they are right now the manic episode has escalated to risky point, I am concern because it might lead to:
-involuntary hospitalization,
-problems with the police
-or a "visit" to Rickers.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE NOTIFIED ABOUT ANY OF THOSE NEGATIVE OUTCOMES.
PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING.
Check in: voluntarily at the hospital of your preference.
If you want any assistance contact Steve and he will help you.
Your friend,
#takecourage
#D2L
9. Taking about people not liking you because you are black.
HL,
I would like to speak to you. You know I love you like a brother , however I do not like how you are acting and I believe you have to get back on your Meds.
For now I do not want you at the clubhouse or Schillers.
1. You are getting very aggressive.
2. You are looking for a fight.
3. You embarrassed me with Jenn the other night.
4. You embarrassed me last night at my meeting.
5. You almost had a fight at Schillers the other night and if I was not there you would have.
6. You were not making sense last night at Schiller's and you were speaking crazy to Dom.
7. You are preaching your believes on people and being aggressive doing it.
8. You got nasty with Briana.
9. Taking about people not liking you because you are black.
Let me know when you want to meet to speak.
We can meet at a coffee shop later today.
I am speaking to you man to man and not reaching out to your doctor.
You need to go back on your Meds.
I would like to speak to you. You know I love you like a brother , however I do not like how you are acting and I believe you have to get back on your Meds.
For now I do not want you at the clubhouse or Schillers.
1. You are getting very aggressive.
2. You are looking for a fight.
3. You embarrassed me with Jenn the other night.
4. You embarrassed me last night at my meeting.
5. You almost had a fight at Schillers the other night and if I was not there you would have.
6. You were not making sense last night at Schiller's and you were speaking crazy to Dom.
7. You are preaching your believes on people and being aggressive doing it.
8. You got nasty with Briana.
9. Taking about people not liking you because you are black.
Let me know when you want to meet to speak.
We can meet at a coffee shop later today.
I am speaking to you man to man and not reaching out to your doctor.
You need to go back on your Meds.
i think the email from your friend tom was not unreasonable.
hi
i am up writing this because i'm worried about you. i too have noticed changes that seem to make it clearer that you are getting 'elevated'..... you know that i have a broader view than many about what constitutes 'mental illness' and what might be described as a heightened creative state, but given what i know of your long-term story i think i have to tell you when i see signs of things that might be detrimental to your well being.
i think the email from your friend tom was not unreasonable, he was very specific and not attacking you personally, rather listing things that have happened. you have also described to me several 'encounters' in the last few weeks that involve increasing and inappropriate levels of aggression. i really don't think the thing on the bus would have happened even a month ago.
the main thing that tells me something is amiss is that during our MUCH TREASURED conversations it really feels like you are less and less able to listen well and more and more led by needing to do all the talking, sometimes off topic (even by my extremely meandering standards ;-) ).
this is not the person i know and love, who is pretty much the best listener i have ever met. well, it is of course, deep down, in your good good heart. but i just wanted to check in with you about the changes i see because i care very much about your well being.
i am truly sorry if my actions have contributed to or triggered distress in any way. i am so so sorry if i let you down or have made you feel bad.
i hope we can talk this weekend.
much much much love
i am up writing this because i'm worried about you. i too have noticed changes that seem to make it clearer that you are getting 'elevated'..... you know that i have a broader view than many about what constitutes 'mental illness' and what might be described as a heightened creative state, but given what i know of your long-term story i think i have to tell you when i see signs of things that might be detrimental to your well being.
i think the email from your friend tom was not unreasonable, he was very specific and not attacking you personally, rather listing things that have happened. you have also described to me several 'encounters' in the last few weeks that involve increasing and inappropriate levels of aggression. i really don't think the thing on the bus would have happened even a month ago.
the main thing that tells me something is amiss is that during our MUCH TREASURED conversations it really feels like you are less and less able to listen well and more and more led by needing to do all the talking, sometimes off topic (even by my extremely meandering standards ;-) ).
this is not the person i know and love, who is pretty much the best listener i have ever met. well, it is of course, deep down, in your good good heart. but i just wanted to check in with you about the changes i see because i care very much about your well being.
i am truly sorry if my actions have contributed to or triggered distress in any way. i am so so sorry if i let you down or have made you feel bad.
i hope we can talk this weekend.
much much much love
he lacks consistent access to food.
Date: 6/13/2017
I am writing this on behalf of David Webster.
David has been a client of mine since 3/16/2016. He currently receives weekly therapy from me for the treatment of Bipolar 1 Disorder and he receives medication management from Bellevue Hospital's mental health outpatient clinic.
David's living arrangements have recently changed and he is at an increased risk of street level homelessness. David is unable to work due to the severity of his condition and is beginning the process of applying for disability benefits.
David is currently living on and off with friends but this situation is not permanent. He lacks consistent access to food and due to the transient nature of his life at this time, many of his belongings are at risk of being lost due to a lack of storage capacity.
I have advised him to contact your office to see if you can help him with the above mentioned issues.
He could benefit from SNAP food assistance, referral for case management services to assist with permanent housing, help with his disability application, and if possible assistance with storing his personal items until his housing situation is secure.
Please feel free to contact me with any questions and thank you for your help with this matter.
Sincerely,
Steven Dawson LCSW
www.DawsonPsychotherapy.com
I am writing this on behalf of David Webster.
David has been a client of mine since 3/16/2016. He currently receives weekly therapy from me for the treatment of Bipolar 1 Disorder and he receives medication management from Bellevue Hospital's mental health outpatient clinic.
David's living arrangements have recently changed and he is at an increased risk of street level homelessness. David is unable to work due to the severity of his condition and is beginning the process of applying for disability benefits.
David is currently living on and off with friends but this situation is not permanent. He lacks consistent access to food and due to the transient nature of his life at this time, many of his belongings are at risk of being lost due to a lack of storage capacity.
I have advised him to contact your office to see if you can help him with the above mentioned issues.
He could benefit from SNAP food assistance, referral for case management services to assist with permanent housing, help with his disability application, and if possible assistance with storing his personal items until his housing situation is secure.
Please feel free to contact me with any questions and thank you for your help with this matter.
Sincerely,
Steven Dawson LCSW
www.DawsonPsychotherapy.com
as CEO of his still-active corporation, he should have at least $1 in annual income as officer of a corporation.
Dear Hippie/David and Dr. Dawson:
1. Thank you for sharing this. My initial reaction to getting a PDF with little comment was that it was a virus. However, David/Hippie probably shared it because I had previously requested his medical record, and had asked him if he was under the care of a psychiatrist and/or receiving medication. (I didn't get an answer despite many emails but got offered a chapbook instead. I own a small data science consulting corporation, am a former hiring manager at relevant employers, & have a PhD in molecular biophysics & biochemistry from Yale so while I am technically a lay person I am able to read medical histories to some extent.)
I know your letter says you (Dr. Dawson) requested that he (David/Hippie) share this with me, but I don't think you meant the whole file, which contains some sensitive information. (I think, however, Hippie/David did mean to share the whole file with me.)
2. I support his application to Fountain House.
For reasons I will explain, I don't believe it is aggressive enough in his particular situations. I have suggested he look into the therapeutic farms in upstate NY (while continuing psychiatric care) as clinical studies have suggest both the communal work & contact with microbes from farm animals are beneficial in cases of depression and PTSD when other treatments have failed. I have also suggested, under the care of a psychiatrist, that he look into PEFM as I understand it is FDA-approved when anti-depressants fail (I will explain why I think his treatment is not aggressive enough in his situation.)
3. Nowhere in the medical history does it mention his use of "Hippie Lou" as an alias (although it is mentioned in the Fountain House application). It is not clear if this is an innocent "professional" stage name in his newfound singing career (there is an IMDB entry for a "Hippie Lou" that performed in California briefly; not clear if this is the same person) and/or attempt to protect his privacy so that he can email & use social media without it damanging his "David Webster" brand.
However, I was shocked some years back to get a Facebook friend request from a. "Hippie Lou", and his tendency to sign emails as "Hippie Lou" is somewhat disturbing, especially if the context (is this supposed to be a professional stage name?) Is not clear.
It has gotten to the point where we refer to David as "Hippie" amongst his former colleagues.
In my lay opinion, his medical history probably should mention "Hippie Lou" just to document that this persona has been evaluated and is not borderline personality disorder.
4.
One of the other concerns around "Hippie Lou" is that it is a very different persona from the one many of us knew when we worked with David professionally.
In his Fountain House application, he crosses out "substance abuse" and changes it to "substance use", and writes a lot of side notes on the handwritten application. This is not the application of a consultant who once made $700/hr, who needs to be highly focused at that price point.
5.
There is no mention in the medical history of David/Hippie have received involuntary ECT on Riker's Island. This was the rumor going around (his friend Prof. Cameron of believes it to be true). I did not get a denial from Hippie or a correction of the facts when I sent him materials on the negative consequences from ECT.
According to these sources (which include Cornell-trained psychiatrist), ECT causes long-term brain damage but only short-term benefit. Since Hippie/David's future income is highly tied (IMHO) to his IQ brain damage is very bad in his situation.
One of the reasons I wanted his medical history (or to talk with his psychiatrist) was to find out if a lawsuit against NYS was in order for involuntary ECT.
From the medical history, it sounds like this incident never happened. (For one, his stay in Rikers' was also much shorter than described.) In which case he probably should have corrected us, as we were wasting time on potential courses of "treatment" that in appropriate (I.e., I inquired with ECT Justice on whether a lawsuit might be appropriate or not.)
6. As a former hiring manager in related disciplines, Dr. Webster has a very high potential income. (I am aware of one major corporation that has set up an entire website domain -- not webpage, or website, but website with its domain name just for collecting resumes very similar to his. They have more than 30 unfilled positions. Granted, these positions are unfilled because they want to pay too low of a wage, as they must know. But his salary from this corporation, which is seeking, on paper anyway, his exact background, is easily six figures.
His singing career is clearly irrational. If he wanted to change careers and become a folksinger, IMHO he would be better suited to work part-time as a economist, and use his earnings to fund publicity & professional management for his new found hobby or prospective career.
However, having interviewed and screened hundreds of potential applicants for some of the most selective employers in the world (I'm quoted in major newspapers on career advice and have a bio in WIkipedia), his immediate problem is very poor credit.
His poor credit will come up in corporate background screenings, who would consider a risk to their sensitive corporation information. Depending on whether or not he declares bankruptcy, it will take 7-10 years to repair this.
Also, any traditional (i.e. W2) employer is likely IMHO to be immediately hit by multiple wage garnish requests. In most states, 2 or more wage garnishment requests is cause for immediate termination as these requests impose a significant legal burden on his employers. Even if his employers do not conduct a background screening and somehow avoid wage garnishment requests, they would learn of his IRS debt problems through his W4 or W9 form, where he would declare he is subject to backup withholding. Since these forms are electronically reported within 15 days in most states, the IRS would be in contact with any new employer very quickly if he declared otherwise.
7.
A better avenue would be his PA-based consulting corporation, which, when I checked a few month back, was still in active standing with the state.
As a separate legal entity, it is likely not subject to backup withholding, and so would likely present clients with a clean W9. (The IRS will still wage garnish it, and it and creditors can still seize it, so he & his company still need (separate) attorneys. More on this later.)
His personal credit might still negatively impact his corporation, not only in having to hire lawyers to deal with wage garnishment requests from creditors, but also difficulty obtaining corporate insurance. Now a days many consulting client anti-fraud checks require a PayPal account, and a corporate PayPal account may be hard to obtain if he cannot obtain a personal bank account due to his IRS situation. An attorney could help negotiate a settlement with the IRS that would cause them to relieve pressure on him until he is back on his feet.
7a. As another example of this, I am aware of a (cash-strapped?) licensed psychologist in UK seeking a cost-benefit analysis on psychotherapy. Hippie/David would (prior to his illness) be extremely qualified to do this kind of study, and the U.K. psychiatrist would be well-trained to deal with David and likely very tolerant of his condition (being cash-strapped as he seeks to do a psychiatric technology startup.) I am not sure how good of an opportunity this is for David, but I have discussed this scenario with the psychiatrist in question, and he seems open to it if protesting a lack of money.
It suggests there are employment opportunities out there if David's condition can be somewhat improved.
8.
David states on Fountain House application that he has no income. However, as CEO of his still-active corporation, he should have (by good compliance practice) at least $1 in annual income as officer of a corporation.
If he's still married (his friend Prof. Cameron and I were under the impression the divorce had gone through some years ago), in many states he would be entitled to income from his wife (or, technically, some portion of his wife's income would technically be considered his income in many states). If his wife is not supporting him, he needs to finalize the divorce. (I'm sure his wife will appreciate if the IRS stops coming after her as well, "innocent spousal relief" etc.) This is purely a legal/financial decision; if he still loves her can always remarry her later once his situation improves.
9.
For all of the above I would say he needs a credit counselor & lawyers (divorce, corporate, tax/financial advice) etc and physical trainer (Dr. Ratner's work at Harvard suggests exercise is critical, but he has told me he is "too depressed" at times to do even a simple workout.)
10. Hippie/Dr. Webster has told me (circa 2011) he was "too depressed" to even do a phone job interview with the company I worked for at time (I would otherwise have been able to arrange an interview as a hiring manager there). This suggests very severe depression in need of aggressive treatment.
His friend (Prof Cameron) has offered to vouch to potential consulting clients and guarantee work is done properly (being an expert in economics and having formerly worked with David in better days), but if he is "too depressed" to even talk to clients on the phone this is unlikely to go anywhere. Prof. Cameron or I would handle most interactions with clients, but clients do occasionally want to be reassured their consultant is a real human being, and will want to talk or email "Dr. Webster," who minimally needs to respond promptly to those inquiries and say Prof. Cameron (or whoever) is handling all client communications.
It is also worth noting that restarting a consulting business (according to various textbooks & experts on the matter) requires repolishing your resume. I while back I asked David to put together an updated CV or list all of his white papers & publications & press mentions somewhere, perhaps on an ORCID (free website).
David/HIppie was at one point heavily quoted as an expert on pharmaceutical economics in major newspapers (NYT, WSJ, Boston Globe, you name it). He used to have a corporate website up that listed all of these press quotations, which are an invaluable calling card and credential when attracting new clients. I suggest David/Hippie bring his old corporate website back up (his domain was apparently purchased by a squatter, so he will need a new domain name for his company), but he expressed little interest.
Also very valuable with clients are skills with the R programming language, etc. I found a trivial little website that teaches R. In his old days at Chicago this would have been a trivial little game for him to play to learn a little R. However, David/Hippie told me he had lost all interest in economics or programming. He instead (as I understood at the time) preferred now to sing folk songs, despite much lower earning potential (which wouldn't let him hire the professionals he needs to deal with his other situations). I recommended he spend 50% on economics and 50% on folk singing, using the economics to subsidize a manager or publicist for folk singing, but he said had lost all interest.
11.
I would consider SNAP a failure given his income potential. I realize that getting someone onto SNAP might be medically considered a success, but what he really needs is to get some sort of employment so that he can afford the aforementioned team to manage his situation (psychiatric, financial, credit worthiness/background checks, fitness).
Again, his situation is unusual given he has very high income potential. Any long-term treatment (in my lay opinion) must account for this, or rule it out as impossible.
In my lay opinion, putting him on SNAP is essentially an admission of medical failure given what should be his very high income potential were he responding adequately to treatment.
In my opinion, SNAP should only be considered a short-term fix, as part of a longer-term roadmap to restore his income potential. Restoring even a fraction of his normal income potential (25% or 50% time work) would enable him to afford more aggressive treatment options (eg therapeutic farm work, PFEM, physical trainer to motivate him to workout, etc.) as well as hire professionals to solve some of the other major problems (tax/credit lawyers, separate corporate lawyer, divorce lawyer.)
12.
Again I do support his application to Fountain House, but for many of the reasons stated above don't think it goes far enough.
(I draw your attention again to missing mention of "Hippie Lou" persona in the medical file, apparently false rumor that subject received involuntary ECT, missing mention of corporate/spousal income on Fountain House application, lack of any plan for credit counseling which is absolutely essential to employment in many of the sensitive jobs that would normally aggressively recruit Dr. Webster, lack of plan for legal counseling which IMHO is necessary on a number of fronts, special situations arising from the very high income potential from the patient if and when he is rehabilitated both psychiatrically and credit-wise, etc)
Thus, I think a more aggressive & more comprehensive & more holistic plan is warranted, if this is possible.
1. Thank you for sharing this. My initial reaction to getting a PDF with little comment was that it was a virus. However, David/Hippie probably shared it because I had previously requested his medical record, and had asked him if he was under the care of a psychiatrist and/or receiving medication. (I didn't get an answer despite many emails but got offered a chapbook instead. I own a small data science consulting corporation, am a former hiring manager at relevant employers, & have a PhD in molecular biophysics & biochemistry from Yale so while I am technically a lay person I am able to read medical histories to some extent.)
I know your letter says you (Dr. Dawson) requested that he (David/Hippie) share this with me, but I don't think you meant the whole file, which contains some sensitive information. (I think, however, Hippie/David did mean to share the whole file with me.)
2. I support his application to Fountain House.
For reasons I will explain, I don't believe it is aggressive enough in his particular situations. I have suggested he look into the therapeutic farms in upstate NY (while continuing psychiatric care) as clinical studies have suggest both the communal work & contact with microbes from farm animals are beneficial in cases of depression and PTSD when other treatments have failed. I have also suggested, under the care of a psychiatrist, that he look into PEFM as I understand it is FDA-approved when anti-depressants fail (I will explain why I think his treatment is not aggressive enough in his situation.)
3. Nowhere in the medical history does it mention his use of "Hippie Lou" as an alias (although it is mentioned in the Fountain House application). It is not clear if this is an innocent "professional" stage name in his newfound singing career (there is an IMDB entry for a "Hippie Lou" that performed in California briefly; not clear if this is the same person) and/or attempt to protect his privacy so that he can email & use social media without it damanging his "David Webster" brand.
However, I was shocked some years back to get a Facebook friend request from a. "Hippie Lou", and his tendency to sign emails as "Hippie Lou" is somewhat disturbing, especially if the context (is this supposed to be a professional stage name?) Is not clear.
It has gotten to the point where we refer to David as "Hippie" amongst his former colleagues.
In my lay opinion, his medical history probably should mention "Hippie Lou" just to document that this persona has been evaluated and is not borderline personality disorder.
4.
One of the other concerns around "Hippie Lou" is that it is a very different persona from the one many of us knew when we worked with David professionally.
In his Fountain House application, he crosses out "substance abuse" and changes it to "substance use", and writes a lot of side notes on the handwritten application. This is not the application of a consultant who once made $700/hr, who needs to be highly focused at that price point.
5.
There is no mention in the medical history of David/Hippie have received involuntary ECT on Riker's Island. This was the rumor going around (his friend Prof. Cameron of believes it to be true). I did not get a denial from Hippie or a correction of the facts when I sent him materials on the negative consequences from ECT.
According to these sources (which include Cornell-trained psychiatrist), ECT causes long-term brain damage but only short-term benefit. Since Hippie/David's future income is highly tied (IMHO) to his IQ brain damage is very bad in his situation.
One of the reasons I wanted his medical history (or to talk with his psychiatrist) was to find out if a lawsuit against NYS was in order for involuntary ECT.
From the medical history, it sounds like this incident never happened. (For one, his stay in Rikers' was also much shorter than described.) In which case he probably should have corrected us, as we were wasting time on potential courses of "treatment" that in appropriate (I.e., I inquired with ECT Justice on whether a lawsuit might be appropriate or not.)
6. As a former hiring manager in related disciplines, Dr. Webster has a very high potential income. (I am aware of one major corporation that has set up an entire website domain -- not webpage, or website, but website with its domain name just for collecting resumes very similar to his. They have more than 30 unfilled positions. Granted, these positions are unfilled because they want to pay too low of a wage, as they must know. But his salary from this corporation, which is seeking, on paper anyway, his exact background, is easily six figures.
His singing career is clearly irrational. If he wanted to change careers and become a folksinger, IMHO he would be better suited to work part-time as a economist, and use his earnings to fund publicity & professional management for his new found hobby or prospective career.
However, having interviewed and screened hundreds of potential applicants for some of the most selective employers in the world (I'm quoted in major newspapers on career advice and have a bio in WIkipedia), his immediate problem is very poor credit.
His poor credit will come up in corporate background screenings, who would consider a risk to their sensitive corporation information. Depending on whether or not he declares bankruptcy, it will take 7-10 years to repair this.
Also, any traditional (i.e. W2) employer is likely IMHO to be immediately hit by multiple wage garnish requests. In most states, 2 or more wage garnishment requests is cause for immediate termination as these requests impose a significant legal burden on his employers. Even if his employers do not conduct a background screening and somehow avoid wage garnishment requests, they would learn of his IRS debt problems through his W4 or W9 form, where he would declare he is subject to backup withholding. Since these forms are electronically reported within 15 days in most states, the IRS would be in contact with any new employer very quickly if he declared otherwise.
7.
A better avenue would be his PA-based consulting corporation, which, when I checked a few month back, was still in active standing with the state.
As a separate legal entity, it is likely not subject to backup withholding, and so would likely present clients with a clean W9. (The IRS will still wage garnish it, and it and creditors can still seize it, so he & his company still need (separate) attorneys. More on this later.)
His personal credit might still negatively impact his corporation, not only in having to hire lawyers to deal with wage garnishment requests from creditors, but also difficulty obtaining corporate insurance. Now a days many consulting client anti-fraud checks require a PayPal account, and a corporate PayPal account may be hard to obtain if he cannot obtain a personal bank account due to his IRS situation. An attorney could help negotiate a settlement with the IRS that would cause them to relieve pressure on him until he is back on his feet.
7a. As another example of this, I am aware of a (cash-strapped?) licensed psychologist in UK seeking a cost-benefit analysis on psychotherapy. Hippie/David would (prior to his illness) be extremely qualified to do this kind of study, and the U.K. psychiatrist would be well-trained to deal with David and likely very tolerant of his condition (being cash-strapped as he seeks to do a psychiatric technology startup.) I am not sure how good of an opportunity this is for David, but I have discussed this scenario with the psychiatrist in question, and he seems open to it if protesting a lack of money.
It suggests there are employment opportunities out there if David's condition can be somewhat improved.
8.
David states on Fountain House application that he has no income. However, as CEO of his still-active corporation, he should have (by good compliance practice) at least $1 in annual income as officer of a corporation.
If he's still married (his friend Prof. Cameron and I were under the impression the divorce had gone through some years ago), in many states he would be entitled to income from his wife (or, technically, some portion of his wife's income would technically be considered his income in many states). If his wife is not supporting him, he needs to finalize the divorce. (I'm sure his wife will appreciate if the IRS stops coming after her as well, "innocent spousal relief" etc.) This is purely a legal/financial decision; if he still loves her can always remarry her later once his situation improves.
9.
For all of the above I would say he needs a credit counselor & lawyers (divorce, corporate, tax/financial advice) etc and physical trainer (Dr. Ratner's work at Harvard suggests exercise is critical, but he has told me he is "too depressed" at times to do even a simple workout.)
10. Hippie/Dr. Webster has told me (circa 2011) he was "too depressed" to even do a phone job interview with the company I worked for at time (I would otherwise have been able to arrange an interview as a hiring manager there). This suggests very severe depression in need of aggressive treatment.
His friend (Prof Cameron) has offered to vouch to potential consulting clients and guarantee work is done properly (being an expert in economics and having formerly worked with David in better days), but if he is "too depressed" to even talk to clients on the phone this is unlikely to go anywhere. Prof. Cameron or I would handle most interactions with clients, but clients do occasionally want to be reassured their consultant is a real human being, and will want to talk or email "Dr. Webster," who minimally needs to respond promptly to those inquiries and say Prof. Cameron (or whoever) is handling all client communications.
It is also worth noting that restarting a consulting business (according to various textbooks & experts on the matter) requires repolishing your resume. I while back I asked David to put together an updated CV or list all of his white papers & publications & press mentions somewhere, perhaps on an ORCID (free website).
David/HIppie was at one point heavily quoted as an expert on pharmaceutical economics in major newspapers (NYT, WSJ, Boston Globe, you name it). He used to have a corporate website up that listed all of these press quotations, which are an invaluable calling card and credential when attracting new clients. I suggest David/Hippie bring his old corporate website back up (his domain was apparently purchased by a squatter, so he will need a new domain name for his company), but he expressed little interest.
Also very valuable with clients are skills with the R programming language, etc. I found a trivial little website that teaches R. In his old days at Chicago this would have been a trivial little game for him to play to learn a little R. However, David/Hippie told me he had lost all interest in economics or programming. He instead (as I understood at the time) preferred now to sing folk songs, despite much lower earning potential (which wouldn't let him hire the professionals he needs to deal with his other situations). I recommended he spend 50% on economics and 50% on folk singing, using the economics to subsidize a manager or publicist for folk singing, but he said had lost all interest.
11.
I would consider SNAP a failure given his income potential. I realize that getting someone onto SNAP might be medically considered a success, but what he really needs is to get some sort of employment so that he can afford the aforementioned team to manage his situation (psychiatric, financial, credit worthiness/background checks, fitness).
Again, his situation is unusual given he has very high income potential. Any long-term treatment (in my lay opinion) must account for this, or rule it out as impossible.
In my lay opinion, putting him on SNAP is essentially an admission of medical failure given what should be his very high income potential were he responding adequately to treatment.
In my opinion, SNAP should only be considered a short-term fix, as part of a longer-term roadmap to restore his income potential. Restoring even a fraction of his normal income potential (25% or 50% time work) would enable him to afford more aggressive treatment options (eg therapeutic farm work, PFEM, physical trainer to motivate him to workout, etc.) as well as hire professionals to solve some of the other major problems (tax/credit lawyers, separate corporate lawyer, divorce lawyer.)
12.
Again I do support his application to Fountain House, but for many of the reasons stated above don't think it goes far enough.
(I draw your attention again to missing mention of "Hippie Lou" persona in the medical file, apparently false rumor that subject received involuntary ECT, missing mention of corporate/spousal income on Fountain House application, lack of any plan for credit counseling which is absolutely essential to employment in many of the sensitive jobs that would normally aggressively recruit Dr. Webster, lack of plan for legal counseling which IMHO is necessary on a number of fronts, special situations arising from the very high income potential from the patient if and when he is rehabilitated both psychiatrically and credit-wise, etc)
Thus, I think a more aggressive & more comprehensive & more holistic plan is warranted, if this is possible.
It was cool to meet you at random in the streets.
From: JYM- FACTORY
Date: Mon, Jul 3, 2017 at 5:48 AM
Subject: Re: flaneur/bricoleur on bleecker street, approximately 7:15a this morning. :) xo
To: Hippie Lou
It was cool to meet you at random in the streets.
If I come back to Manhattan, I'll contact you.
I will post your photo on my website.
See you soon Le Flâneur.
Thank you very much.
JYM
www.jym-factory.com
2017-07-03 11:43 GMT+02:00 Hippie Lou:
no facebook account.
instagram is @louhippie.
of course you can publish and
use in any format, digital or print,
for any and all uses.
i live around (i don't sleep around,
but i live around) ... mostly with friends,
mostly in manhattan.
no fixed address, no prior travel arrangements.
le flâneur, truly!
On Mon, Jul 3, 2017 at 5:38 AM, JYM- FACTORY wrote:
Do you have an FB account?
Can I publish your photo?
I'm glad you like the picture.
Where do you live ?
2017-07-03 11:29 GMT+02:00 Hippie Lou:
i absolutely love love love it!
you are a talent beyond measure.
it was such a privilege to meet you, truly.
traveler, there is no path.
the path is made by walking.
or in your case, rolling!
roll on brother, with your bad self.
(bad is american slang, so when
you say someone is bad you are
giving them a compliment fyi)
with kind regards and love always,
le flaneur!
On Mon, Jul 3, 2017 at 5:25 AM, JYM- FACTORY wrote:
Bonjour le flâneur de Manhattan.
2017-07-01 21:09 GMT+02:00 JYM- FACTORY:
Hi Le Flaneur,
We return in Paris today.
I take care of your very fast photo.
Thanks to you the handyman of Manhattan.
See you soon.
JYM
2017-06-28 15:41 GMT+02:00 Hippie Lou:
flaneur/bricoleur on bleecker street, approximately 7:15a this morning. :) xo
Date: Mon, Jul 3, 2017 at 5:48 AM
Subject: Re: flaneur/bricoleur on bleecker street, approximately 7:15a this morning. :) xo
To: Hippie Lou
It was cool to meet you at random in the streets.
If I come back to Manhattan, I'll contact you.
I will post your photo on my website.
See you soon Le Flâneur.
Thank you very much.
JYM
www.jym-factory.com
2017-07-03 11:43 GMT+02:00 Hippie Lou:
no facebook account.
instagram is @louhippie.
of course you can publish and
use in any format, digital or print,
for any and all uses.
i live around (i don't sleep around,
but i live around) ... mostly with friends,
mostly in manhattan.
no fixed address, no prior travel arrangements.
le flâneur, truly!
On Mon, Jul 3, 2017 at 5:38 AM, JYM- FACTORY wrote:
Do you have an FB account?
Can I publish your photo?
I'm glad you like the picture.
Where do you live ?
2017-07-03 11:29 GMT+02:00 Hippie Lou:
i absolutely love love love it!
you are a talent beyond measure.
it was such a privilege to meet you, truly.
traveler, there is no path.
the path is made by walking.
or in your case, rolling!
roll on brother, with your bad self.
(bad is american slang, so when
you say someone is bad you are
giving them a compliment fyi)
with kind regards and love always,
le flaneur!
On Mon, Jul 3, 2017 at 5:25 AM, JYM- FACTORY wrote:
Bonjour le flâneur de Manhattan.
2017-07-01 21:09 GMT+02:00 JYM- FACTORY:
Hi Le Flaneur,
We return in Paris today.
I take care of your very fast photo.
Thanks to you the handyman of Manhattan.
See you soon.
JYM
2017-06-28 15:41 GMT+02:00 Hippie Lou:
flaneur/bricoleur on bleecker street, approximately 7:15a this morning. :) xo
Thank you so much I had so much fun today.
Hello Lou,
I wanted to thank you for everything! I enjoyed your presents and appreciate you !
Look forward to working with you and learning from you, I am honored to know such an amazing soul!
I working on putting the list together as well as researching all the things you asked me to, I should have the details together in an couple of days.
Thank you so much I had so much fun today and learned many things and really connected with some amazing people through you!
Sincerely
I wanted to thank you for everything! I enjoyed your presents and appreciate you !
Look forward to working with you and learning from you, I am honored to know such an amazing soul!
I working on putting the list together as well as researching all the things you asked me to, I should have the details together in an couple of days.
Thank you so much I had so much fun today and learned many things and really connected with some amazing people through you!
Sincerely
it received an external hard drive belonging to Webster.
Webster Dental Group Dentist Charged with Child Porn Possession
Dr. Henry Webster was arraigned on Thursday, according to the District Attorney's spokesman.
By Tom Auchterlonie (Patch Staff) - Updated August 12, 2011 4:09 pm ET
A former Mount Kisco resident and Greenburgh dentist is accused of possessing child pornography.
Dr. Henry Webster, of Greenburgh-based (Scarsdale P.O.), was arraigned in Mount Kisco Justice Court on Thursday because he lived in the village when the alleged offense took place, according to DA spokesman Lucian Chalfen.
Now a resident upstate in Elizabethtown, NY, Webster was released on $5,000 bail, the Westchester County District Attorney's office announced.
Webster, 56, was charged with one felony count of child pornography possession (the official term is "Possessing an Obscene Sexual Performance by a Child").
The DA's office announced that it received an external hard drive belonging to Webster on May 6 of this year. After an investigation, the DA office claims, images of children under 16 years old were found. The DA's office also claims that Webster was interviewed on July 22 and admitted to downloading and storing the images.
Webster could not be reached for comment. His next court date is Aug. 25.
Clarification: The location of Webster Dental Group is Greenburgh, with a Scarsdale postal address. The original version of the story stated Scarsdale proper.
Dr. Henry Webster was arraigned on Thursday, according to the District Attorney's spokesman.
By Tom Auchterlonie (Patch Staff) - Updated August 12, 2011 4:09 pm ET
A former Mount Kisco resident and Greenburgh dentist is accused of possessing child pornography.
Dr. Henry Webster, of Greenburgh-based (Scarsdale P.O.), was arraigned in Mount Kisco Justice Court on Thursday because he lived in the village when the alleged offense took place, according to DA spokesman Lucian Chalfen.
Now a resident upstate in Elizabethtown, NY, Webster was released on $5,000 bail, the Westchester County District Attorney's office announced.
Webster, 56, was charged with one felony count of child pornography possession (the official term is "Possessing an Obscene Sexual Performance by a Child").
The DA's office announced that it received an external hard drive belonging to Webster on May 6 of this year. After an investigation, the DA office claims, images of children under 16 years old were found. The DA's office also claims that Webster was interviewed on July 22 and admitted to downloading and storing the images.
Webster could not be reached for comment. His next court date is Aug. 25.
Clarification: The location of Webster Dental Group is Greenburgh, with a Scarsdale postal address. The original version of the story stated Scarsdale proper.
you showed me the way, truly. :) xoxo
From: Gordon Peters
Date: Sat, Jul 8, 2017 at 10:55 PM
Subject: Re: love you so so much! <3
To: Hippie Lou
<3 <3 <3
The way continues to emerge. And I will report it to you dutifully. :)
On Sat, Jul 8, 2017 at 1:30 PM, Hippie Lou wrote:
you showed me the way, truly. :) xoxo
#humbled #gratitude #respect #wonder
Date: Sat, Jul 8, 2017 at 10:55 PM
Subject: Re: love you so so much! <3
To: Hippie Lou
<3 <3 <3
The way continues to emerge. And I will report it to you dutifully. :)
On Sat, Jul 8, 2017 at 1:30 PM, Hippie Lou wrote:
you showed me the way, truly. :) xoxo
#humbled #gratitude #respect #wonder
this anomaly of shouldn't try to 'save' him but yet can't stand to leave him suffer became really almost unbearable.
now we get to the difficult part. i'm just going to jump right in and hope it leads me somewhere right and good.
as golden as the times in the privacy of my home were, the times we were out in the world started to weigh on me. this is not, I REPEAT, this is not about anything you did wrong. this is why this part is so difficult. i am going to try to outline here some realities that started to creep in that came together to shape the way things have developed.
around the time of the chicago road trip, maybe a bit before, and definitely after, it started to be obvious to me that my daily life and all it contains are chock full of stressors, and these are stressors that might not be the greatest things for you to be around on a regular basis. lots of uncertainty, lots of rushing around, lots of pre-adolescent complaining, lots of last minute changes and seemingly rash decisions, lots of indecision and conflicted wavering, lots of bad parking and unfair transactions and frantic supermarket trips. these things are part and parcel of my day to day existence.
i mostly don't take it much to heart. (for things i do take to heart, see 'panic attack' in the forthcoming glossary...) mostly i am in a pretty good mood about all this logistical stuff and bounce along, riding the waves. as you know i was raised with crisis writ large like a banner across every possible situation, and i threw that shit to the curb as soon as i was able. i really, truly, don't give a shit if someone passes me on the right and honks, or if the store closes in 2 minutes, or if someone cuts in front of me in line etc etc.
however, i started to see how these things do affect you negatively, how you started consistently remarking about how stressed i am even when i am not feeling it deep down (maybe my overly dramatic personality makes it seem so?), and how the idea of being thrown around in the rock tumbler of my daily life is probably not at all a great idea for you.
then, i started to feel that, on the flipside, the details of your daily existence weren't really a great package for me to carry around, either. i like to joke a lot about greek grandma, but it's actually really true that i have a great deal of concern for those that i am close to.
i really do respect the choices you've made and your commitment to those choices but the thought of you hungry is enough to make me short circuit. the image of you looking through a garbage can for food would come to mind while i was preparing dinner and it would literally choke me. the thought of you sleeping somewhere in the cold or on a train makes my throat tighten up. so it started to really be a conundrum.
i knew from my many years of psychologically unhealthy care-taking that it was not a good idea to 'take you in'... that 'saving you' by giving you keys and cooking for you every night was not a viable option. but not doing that means what? leaving you to look in a garbage can? i can't. i mean i really can't. this anomaly of shouldn't try to 'save' him but yet can't stand to leave him suffer became really almost unbearable.
as golden as the times in the privacy of my home were, the times we were out in the world started to weigh on me. this is not, I REPEAT, this is not about anything you did wrong. this is why this part is so difficult. i am going to try to outline here some realities that started to creep in that came together to shape the way things have developed.
around the time of the chicago road trip, maybe a bit before, and definitely after, it started to be obvious to me that my daily life and all it contains are chock full of stressors, and these are stressors that might not be the greatest things for you to be around on a regular basis. lots of uncertainty, lots of rushing around, lots of pre-adolescent complaining, lots of last minute changes and seemingly rash decisions, lots of indecision and conflicted wavering, lots of bad parking and unfair transactions and frantic supermarket trips. these things are part and parcel of my day to day existence.
i mostly don't take it much to heart. (for things i do take to heart, see 'panic attack' in the forthcoming glossary...) mostly i am in a pretty good mood about all this logistical stuff and bounce along, riding the waves. as you know i was raised with crisis writ large like a banner across every possible situation, and i threw that shit to the curb as soon as i was able. i really, truly, don't give a shit if someone passes me on the right and honks, or if the store closes in 2 minutes, or if someone cuts in front of me in line etc etc.
however, i started to see how these things do affect you negatively, how you started consistently remarking about how stressed i am even when i am not feeling it deep down (maybe my overly dramatic personality makes it seem so?), and how the idea of being thrown around in the rock tumbler of my daily life is probably not at all a great idea for you.
then, i started to feel that, on the flipside, the details of your daily existence weren't really a great package for me to carry around, either. i like to joke a lot about greek grandma, but it's actually really true that i have a great deal of concern for those that i am close to.
i really do respect the choices you've made and your commitment to those choices but the thought of you hungry is enough to make me short circuit. the image of you looking through a garbage can for food would come to mind while i was preparing dinner and it would literally choke me. the thought of you sleeping somewhere in the cold or on a train makes my throat tighten up. so it started to really be a conundrum.
i knew from my many years of psychologically unhealthy care-taking that it was not a good idea to 'take you in'... that 'saving you' by giving you keys and cooking for you every night was not a viable option. but not doing that means what? leaving you to look in a garbage can? i can't. i mean i really can't. this anomaly of shouldn't try to 'save' him but yet can't stand to leave him suffer became really almost unbearable.
Saturday, July 8, 2017
the electric one.
I am a blue blood and was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. There is a
wing of the Metropolitan Museum of Art donated by a member of my family.
At the time of this story I was a mild mannered 45-year-old with a wife of twenty years and a daughter finishing high school. I was a square, monogamous, clean-shaven guy with a 4,500 square foot house in Pennsylvania and four cars.
Then I got a contract to work as a consultant at a hospital in New York City. After work I used to wander around the city. I felt like a guest in the world until I wandered into the East Village. Suddenly I realized that this was home.
So I began to sublet places in the neighborhood and would stay there while I was in town on business. I was trying to break out of my childhood of super achievement and this seemed like the place to do it. The bloom was off the rose in my marriage. I felt like I had found my people in the East Village and had started painting my finger nails and toe nails and had pierced my ear. This new side of me scared my wife and we had a traumatic break up.
One day I was looking for a place to work on my laptop and wandered into a bar that had the unusual (for the time) combination of power outlets and free WiFi. I started hanging out there regularly, learning through the music they played, the tequila they drank, the stories they told. This bar and the bartenders who worked there became a family and a home for me as I broke up with my wife. And that’s where I met her.
She was a beautiful bartender in her mid 20s with dirty blonde hair and gorgeous eyes. She was the girl I always wanted to sleep with in high school. She was a cheerleader, a California hippie and a ghetto street hustler from New Orleans. She was a ball player. I wrote my PhD thesis with three Nobel Laureates and they are no match for her. She was a pro and I didn’t know what I was in for, but I sure as hell wanted in.
I sat at the bar during her shifts and slowly fell in love with her. One rainy afternoon she played Electric Ladyland. The entire album. I loved it and sang every song to her. After that day I always called her the Electric Lady. I gave other people at the bar nick names too and it wasn’t long before they gave me one, Hippie Lou. I started using this nick name and it was like trying on a new persona.
I wanted to take my old self, put it all on a barge and cut the rope. One day Electric Lady invited me to a party. I was new to this world so didn’t fully understand the significance of crossing this line, of seeing a bartender socially.
We met at a bar beforehand and she bought me a drink, then we went to the party together. We left together. And everyone thought we were together.
Electric Lady was a risk taker. I studied evolutionary biology and I believe that women are smarter and more evolved than men. They can sense and smell things. They have the satellite dish and we men have a bent coat hanger. They have bridge building skills, they can barter. The one thing they are perhaps a little short on is the risk taking. They have to take care of the kids so they don’t bet everything on red in Vegas.
But there is a shift happening in the new generation of women and the Electric Lady knew how to take a risk. She was hitting me over the head with a club and was going to take me back to her cave.
When I realized that she wanted to get it on with me I went into turtle mode. I’m a romantic, I’m old fashioned. I was afraid that she was a Siren, in the sense of the Odyssey, and if I slept with her she would sail me into the rocks. So I didn't close the deal. In fact, I was so petrified, I didn't even open the deal.
There was no room for fear in Electric Lady's world. She put me in a car service and before the door had even closed she was dialing her boyfriend. She had already moved on. We did this dance for many years. I loved her, she dangled the carrot, I got shy and ran away.
It looked like this: I started dating another girl, got divorced and had to sell everything for spousal support, she broke up with her boyfriend, I broke up with my girlfriend, she got married to someone else, I got locked up in the psych ward, she didn’t visit me, I got angry and was kicked out of the bar, she had a kid, I was diagnosed with manic depression, burned some bridges, had my house foreclosed on, moved out of the city, she moved out of the city, I worked my way back in again, she asked me to visit, I got arrested, we made amends.
We’re still in touch and I’m still in love with her. It’s written in the stars that we will connect. I know it’s going to happen. I think we’re going to get it on and the day it does happen I will probably turn into a light beam and ascend into the galaxy.
Have you ever been to Electric Ladyland?
At the time of this story I was a mild mannered 45-year-old with a wife of twenty years and a daughter finishing high school. I was a square, monogamous, clean-shaven guy with a 4,500 square foot house in Pennsylvania and four cars.
Then I got a contract to work as a consultant at a hospital in New York City. After work I used to wander around the city. I felt like a guest in the world until I wandered into the East Village. Suddenly I realized that this was home.
So I began to sublet places in the neighborhood and would stay there while I was in town on business. I was trying to break out of my childhood of super achievement and this seemed like the place to do it. The bloom was off the rose in my marriage. I felt like I had found my people in the East Village and had started painting my finger nails and toe nails and had pierced my ear. This new side of me scared my wife and we had a traumatic break up.
One day I was looking for a place to work on my laptop and wandered into a bar that had the unusual (for the time) combination of power outlets and free WiFi. I started hanging out there regularly, learning through the music they played, the tequila they drank, the stories they told. This bar and the bartenders who worked there became a family and a home for me as I broke up with my wife. And that’s where I met her.
She was a beautiful bartender in her mid 20s with dirty blonde hair and gorgeous eyes. She was the girl I always wanted to sleep with in high school. She was a cheerleader, a California hippie and a ghetto street hustler from New Orleans. She was a ball player. I wrote my PhD thesis with three Nobel Laureates and they are no match for her. She was a pro and I didn’t know what I was in for, but I sure as hell wanted in.
I sat at the bar during her shifts and slowly fell in love with her. One rainy afternoon she played Electric Ladyland. The entire album. I loved it and sang every song to her. After that day I always called her the Electric Lady. I gave other people at the bar nick names too and it wasn’t long before they gave me one, Hippie Lou. I started using this nick name and it was like trying on a new persona.
I wanted to take my old self, put it all on a barge and cut the rope. One day Electric Lady invited me to a party. I was new to this world so didn’t fully understand the significance of crossing this line, of seeing a bartender socially.
We met at a bar beforehand and she bought me a drink, then we went to the party together. We left together. And everyone thought we were together.
Electric Lady was a risk taker. I studied evolutionary biology and I believe that women are smarter and more evolved than men. They can sense and smell things. They have the satellite dish and we men have a bent coat hanger. They have bridge building skills, they can barter. The one thing they are perhaps a little short on is the risk taking. They have to take care of the kids so they don’t bet everything on red in Vegas.
But there is a shift happening in the new generation of women and the Electric Lady knew how to take a risk. She was hitting me over the head with a club and was going to take me back to her cave.
When I realized that she wanted to get it on with me I went into turtle mode. I’m a romantic, I’m old fashioned. I was afraid that she was a Siren, in the sense of the Odyssey, and if I slept with her she would sail me into the rocks. So I didn't close the deal. In fact, I was so petrified, I didn't even open the deal.
There was no room for fear in Electric Lady's world. She put me in a car service and before the door had even closed she was dialing her boyfriend. She had already moved on. We did this dance for many years. I loved her, she dangled the carrot, I got shy and ran away.
It looked like this: I started dating another girl, got divorced and had to sell everything for spousal support, she broke up with her boyfriend, I broke up with my girlfriend, she got married to someone else, I got locked up in the psych ward, she didn’t visit me, I got angry and was kicked out of the bar, she had a kid, I was diagnosed with manic depression, burned some bridges, had my house foreclosed on, moved out of the city, she moved out of the city, I worked my way back in again, she asked me to visit, I got arrested, we made amends.
We’re still in touch and I’m still in love with her. It’s written in the stars that we will connect. I know it’s going to happen. I think we’re going to get it on and the day it does happen I will probably turn into a light beam and ascend into the galaxy.
Have you ever been to Electric Ladyland?
that hug :) xo
I had this coffee shop bookmarked for a long time and was excited to try it for the first time. This is my first Yelp review, because I've never before felt so strongly about a food place that I felt compelled to review it. This is an unfortunate exception.
The incredibly rude, verbally violent response that the owner, Jaime, gave me and my friend was absolutely uncalled for. We bought coffee and sat down, prepared to drink coffee with some bagels we had brought in from outside to have a nice breakfast. There are no signs that say you cannot eat outside food - we had no idea. But the first thing the owner did without warning was come from behind us, and yell and curse at us angrily. Shaken, we put the bagels back into the bag.
We sat for a while, uncertain what to do, because I get really shaky and light-headed when I drink coffee without food. After sipping some more of our coffee drinks, we tentatively pulled the bagels out of the bag again and put them in front of us. We didn't start eating them, still feeling uneasy about that previous yelling, but didn't know what to do because we still had all this coffee to finish that we couldn't take with us (because they were in nice glass cups) to eat our food outside of the shop. [We were certainly not trying to be bad customers - I even brought my laptop with the intention of doing work, but seeing that no laptops were allowed, I scratched that plan.]
Immediately, the owner stormed over, grabbed both our coffee drinks from our table, spilling them on the table and splashing us with drops of latte, and dumped them at the counter. He was screaming at us, "GET OUT. Never show your faces here again. I know your faces. You're banned from here forever." (not that we ever would come back, so that was quite a useless display of power). Then he threw $7 at us, threw my friend's bagel outside, and left. His staff then told us again that we needed to leave, with no apology, as if this kind of behavior is acceptable.
In short, if we were white men, instead of Asian women, this likely would have not occurred. The verbal violence that the owner Jaime displayed towards us could undoubtedly have escalated to physical violence, and left both of us shaken.
The incredibly rude, verbally violent response that the owner, Jaime, gave me and my friend was absolutely uncalled for. We bought coffee and sat down, prepared to drink coffee with some bagels we had brought in from outside to have a nice breakfast. There are no signs that say you cannot eat outside food - we had no idea. But the first thing the owner did without warning was come from behind us, and yell and curse at us angrily. Shaken, we put the bagels back into the bag.
We sat for a while, uncertain what to do, because I get really shaky and light-headed when I drink coffee without food. After sipping some more of our coffee drinks, we tentatively pulled the bagels out of the bag again and put them in front of us. We didn't start eating them, still feeling uneasy about that previous yelling, but didn't know what to do because we still had all this coffee to finish that we couldn't take with us (because they were in nice glass cups) to eat our food outside of the shop. [We were certainly not trying to be bad customers - I even brought my laptop with the intention of doing work, but seeing that no laptops were allowed, I scratched that plan.]
Immediately, the owner stormed over, grabbed both our coffee drinks from our table, spilling them on the table and splashing us with drops of latte, and dumped them at the counter. He was screaming at us, "GET OUT. Never show your faces here again. I know your faces. You're banned from here forever." (not that we ever would come back, so that was quite a useless display of power). Then he threw $7 at us, threw my friend's bagel outside, and left. His staff then told us again that we needed to leave, with no apology, as if this kind of behavior is acceptable.
In short, if we were white men, instead of Asian women, this likely would have not occurred. The verbal violence that the owner Jaime displayed towards us could undoubtedly have escalated to physical violence, and left both of us shaken.
until the exigencies of spring tide come.
Well, the day is finally here. Me, facing pen and paper, tasked with writing the story of my life. Strangely enough, it is something I have been working on ever since 2008; ever since I blew up my life and moved to the east village. Framing it, reframing it; matching it up to the data; the memories of the actions of myself and others; events, facts, scraps, feelings; pain, euphoria, guilt, shame, and pride; my life.
I have worked so hard on the story of my life because I believe it to be the wormhole to my next life; the lily pad on which I can travel from one side of the pond to the other. All I can say is that I think of almost nothing else. How was my story influenced by myself, the people around me, the institutions of my times – my nuclear family, the government, schools, corporations, society and civilization; the constructs, the mores, the social architecture in which I roamed? I believe these questions to be of the utmost importance, and to the extent that I can answer them I can be useful to myself in the years remaining; perhaps be useful to others around me; and perhaps, ever so slightly, I can be useful to the world at large.
I also hope that my story might be a useful aid for loved ones in my life so that they might have a better understanding of the motivations for my actions and my mindset at the time. This improved understanding might be put to use in their own lives, and may encourage a dialogue that improves and deepens our collective understanding; and ultimately our connection to one another and to the world at large.
Principal among these loved ones is my daughter Kaisha, who has suffered greatly from circumstances beyond her control and no fault of her own. The extent to which she can see her suffering in the context of a greater suffering might be a useful key with which she can unlock the secret of life – that life is suffering, but within that suffering is contained meaning, purpose, and ultimately, great joy.
I was dropped off by a stork, or so I was told, on October 18, 1962 in a suburb of Boston, Massachusetts. It was the dawn of a new age in American society – Camelot, it was called, a reference to the honor and nobility of King Arthur’s court. Led by the youngest person ever elected to the office of the Presidency, it was a time of great hope for the country and the world. “Ask not what your country can do for you,” he said – “ask what you can do for your country.” It was a decade of exploring new frontiers, space -- “We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard,” he said.
At the exact moment of my birth, the world was the closest it has ever been – so far as we know – to nuclear holocaust. The Cuban missile crisis was in full swing, and was avoided in large part by Robert Kennedy’s argument that there was no moral justification for a preemptive strike on Cuba. The crisis ended up being solved through peaceful means, through diplomacy.
Eerily enough, I share the birth date – October 18th -- with the man who brought Camelot crashing down. Lee Harvey Oswald, who I believe was an earnest man dissatisfied with the state of the world and his position in it, was seeking a path towards a better tomorrow. It is unclear whether he acted alone or allowed himself to be used by others, but he ultimately expressed himself through violent means, to the detriment of himself, to others, and to the world.
It was into this soil that a young David Leslie Webster was planted, and I absorbed both elements -- great potential for creation and positive change but also the potential for life-altering destruction. Those elements are still within me.
One of the two gardeners to which I was entrusted was also a product of the turbulence of her times. My mother, Marion Havas, was 13 years old when Nazi Germany invaded Hungary in March, 1944. Although christened and raised Catholic, she wore the Jewish star and by some miracle – most probably several -- escaped deportation. Almost half of those murdered in Auschwitz were the approximately 400,000 Hungarian Jews gassed during a ten week period in 1944. I am here today because my mother somehow missed the most inhumane one-way train in human history.
To add insult to injury, my mother could not attend University after the Russians took control of Hungary, due to the fact that her family had been wealthy. In another harrowing experience, she had to risk life and limb to cross the border and leave the country she loved with all her heart. I don’t think she ever got over the loss.
The second gardener, my father, Henry de Forest Webster, grew up with turbulence of a different sort. His father was a world famous scientist who died suddenly when my father was 16. My father worshiped his father, and spent his entire life trying to measure up to his father’s unreachable professional accomplishments. It would be like Michael Jackson’s children trying to duplicate their father’s achievements – an exercise in futility.
My father also was competing against ghosts of a different sort – his ancestors on his mother’s side of the family. One of them is John Taylor Johnston, the founder of New York City’s Metropolitan Museum of Art. Another is Jesse de Forest, the settler who sought and received permission from the Dutch to establish the colony of New Amsterdam, which is present day New York City. Because of the intermarriage of wealthy and influential members of New York society, the list goes on and on. My father felt a tremendous obligation to his legacy – to act in a manner befitting these “noble” ancestors.
These two gardeners had simple expectations for their five seedlings. We were to be obedient and respectful. We were to be seen and not heard. There would be no back talk, no sass. We had one job, and that was to excel at everything we did. This job was not to be questioned. Most importantly, we would excel at school. We would get excellent grades; get into excellent schools; get excellent jobs. We would work hard, and then we would work harder. We would set unachievable goals, and then we would achieve them. We would accomplish, accomplish, accomplish. We would become valued and esteemed members of the status quo. In a status quo garden with a bunch of other status quo plants just like us. And the garden would be beautiful, and all the gardener’s friends and family would marvel at their skill as gardeners. And the plants would be safe and secure and strong, ready to bear fruit and seeds of the highest quality. And all would be good in the world.
The story of my life is the struggle of being raised in this garden and my search for more suitable ones.
My first clue that the garden of my youth might be suspect was the brutality of the environment in which I was raised. My parents enforced their formula for success primarily through fear and violence. I lived at the end of a long hallway, with my sister’s room at the head of the stairs. I remember hearing the door close as my mother arrived home – she would first go to my sister’s room…I listened intently…if there was one thing out of order – something my sister had forgotten to do, some unsatisfactory result at school, something in her room out of place – anything, I would hear my sister cry out. I knew she had either been slapped or was having her hair pulled. My brother’s room was next. I racked my brain in absolute terror, thinking of every possible thing my mother might use as an excuse to hit me. It was not a good feeling.
School provided little relief as well. In fourth grade I broke my arm falling in the school hallway. I later learned someone had pushed me from behind. Groups of boys often waited for me after school or after class to beat me up, give me a wedgie, or, on one unfortunate occasion, lock me under the stage in the school auditorium. Hearing the bell ring for the end of class was often for me the worst sound in the world.
I caught other early glimpses of the inhumanity of the status quo. I grew up in a wealthy suburb of Washington, D.C. People in the neighborhood used to hire housekeepers who were predominantly black or Hispanic. The housekeepers used to stand at bus stops, waiting for the bus to take them back to Washington, D.C. after a hard day’s work. Boys on my school bus used to open the windows and spit on them as the bus went by. It was horrible.
At 16 I was off to Amherst College and got my first exposure to drugs. They played an important role in my life – releasing me from the grip of a stultifying, shy, earnest personality that had been the hallmark of my youth. Under enormous pressure to perform, I did not have the balance in my early life to develop the social skills and the social confidence of my peers. I liked psychedelics; I dropped acid and realized I was utilizing only 1/100th of the power of my brain. I heard the bewitching tones of Jerry Garcia’s guitar for the first time. My life was never the same.
At 18 I dropped out of college, telling my parents that a career, any career, was not for me. In my words, “I would be missing out on too much in life.” I became a bicycle messenger, met my future wife Pam, and at the age of 21 ended up in a mental institution, misdiagnosed with drug-induced psychosis. My father went to court and became guardian of my person and property. I chose not to fight him.
Age 22 - I go back to college, then to the University of Chicago’s Ph.D. program in economics. Age 26 - Pam gets pregnant, my daughter Kaisha is born. I call my parents to report the good news; silence on the other end of the line. Pam and I get married. We are excommunicated from my family. Kaisha is never acknowledged by my parents as their grandchild.
Age 35, receive Ph.D. Age 37, start consulting company. Age 43, do the global pricing strategy for Merck’s HPV vaccine. Age 44, process of profound disillusionment with my professional and personal life accelerates. Feel like I’m making no difference in the world. Setting a poor example for Kaisha by not doing what I love to do, not being who I am. Age 45, move out of the family home, move to the east village, close my business. Receive the nickname hippie lou in a bar on 1st avenue. I like the name. I identify with hippies, who I feel are peaceful. Loving. Not materialistic. Experimental. They question things. They are people of conscience. I start using the name.
Age 46. File for divorce. Run out of money. Lose my east village apartment. Begin a six year run living off the kindness of strangers. Pam awarded $7,500 a month in spousal support. I appeal, showing judge I have no money and no income. Appeal denied. Age 47. In arrears for spousal support, called into court on monthly basis. Have a manic episode, hospitalized involuntarily at Bellevue Hospital for 13 days. Given proper diagnosis of manic depression. Appear day after Bellevue discharge in Pennsylvania court. No relief from the judge. Fail to appear the following month. Bench warrant issued for my arrest. Driver’s license revoked.
My former girlfriend Meral educates herself on mental illness and helps me realize that I have manic depression; she cares for me over the next five years as I go through the long process of coming to terms with my condition. At Meral’s invitation, I join the Mood Disorders Support Group. Start attending weekly meetings after hearing the facilitator of the first group meeting say “recovery is possible.”
Age 48. Lose family home to foreclosure. Bank account closed by IRS. Arrested for first time in my life, spend five weeks on Riker’s Island. Age 49. My girlfriend Iraida inspires me by telling me “your heart is generous and your mind is gorgeous. Make something beautiful of your life.”
Age 50. Enter Chemical Dependency Outpatient Program at Bellevue Hospital. Start working with a talented counselor who really gets me, who really puts the care in “health care.” With several friends, start a “Magic Monday” weekly support group, focusing on acknowledging and utilizing the magic in our lives.
Invited to accompany Magic Monday member/Broadway performer Robin Baxter in her one-woman show on the experience of living with manic depression. We are subsequently invited to perform at AIDs benefits, church benefits, and an awards ceremony honoring the commissioner of New York City’s Department of Health and Mental Hygiene.
Age 51. Enter the 50th class of the Educational Outreach Program at Catholic Charities, but not without first expressing concerns to the Program Director about what I perceive to be the unpleasant parts of the program. Without batting an eyelash, said Program Director sets up a quandary for me. If offered a plate with two things on it - steak (which I like) and broccoli (which I dislike), would I push the plate away? As you can see by my presence here today, I was no match for Miss K.
I actually wasn’t sure if I was going to be here tonight. Last Friday, a dear friend asked me to come with her to Chicago to help out with her 22 year-old daughter, who is experiencing a good measure of what I’ll generously refer to as “life turbulence.” In so many ways, I could see elements of my life in my friend’s daughter’s life. Also, through my efforts to understand my parent’s experience with me, I believe I also understood what my friend was going through as well. I think my presence in Chicago helped everyone in some small way. Here it was -- my life story in action – I was using it to help others! It was a magical experience and one I hope to have the opportunity to repeat many times.
As I returned home from Chicago last night, I had another experience that I consider to be providential. Sometime around midnight, well after I had fallen asleep, my daughter sent me a text message. She doesn’t send them to me that often. It said, simply, good night with a <3.
It was if somewhere, somehow, she knew that my decision to leave her Mom was the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life. That if I knew then what I know now I could have been a much more kind and compassionate person. That I’m sorry for all the pain and suffering everyone has experienced over the last eight years. And perhaps somewhere, somehow, Kaisha understands that we’re all still inextricably connected and hopefully one day will all be collectively better off for our respective journeys.
I’m in a new garden now. The old me is dead and planted in new soil, and I feel so humbled and privileged and grateful to be amongst you all. I’m in a garden with my values, not someone else’s values for me. A garden with my goals, not someone else’s goals for me. A garden with my lifestyle, not someone else’s lifestyle for me. The form of my life follows the function of my life. This is not just a nice idea. When form does not follow function in my life, I get sick; both literally and figuratively. I know this now.
A few years ago, I came across a line of poetry from Petofi Sandor, the great Hungarian revolutionary and poet. It reads, “You cannot bid the flower not bloom, it thrives; when, on mild zephyr’s wing, the spring arrives.” After reading this line I had an epiphany. I realized that no matter what the circumstances of my life or the judgments of the people around me, this flower will bloom.
So my life is spring again, and in this garden, I know the harvest will be bountiful, and the seeds enduring.
Thank you very much.
I have worked so hard on the story of my life because I believe it to be the wormhole to my next life; the lily pad on which I can travel from one side of the pond to the other. All I can say is that I think of almost nothing else. How was my story influenced by myself, the people around me, the institutions of my times – my nuclear family, the government, schools, corporations, society and civilization; the constructs, the mores, the social architecture in which I roamed? I believe these questions to be of the utmost importance, and to the extent that I can answer them I can be useful to myself in the years remaining; perhaps be useful to others around me; and perhaps, ever so slightly, I can be useful to the world at large.
I also hope that my story might be a useful aid for loved ones in my life so that they might have a better understanding of the motivations for my actions and my mindset at the time. This improved understanding might be put to use in their own lives, and may encourage a dialogue that improves and deepens our collective understanding; and ultimately our connection to one another and to the world at large.
Principal among these loved ones is my daughter Kaisha, who has suffered greatly from circumstances beyond her control and no fault of her own. The extent to which she can see her suffering in the context of a greater suffering might be a useful key with which she can unlock the secret of life – that life is suffering, but within that suffering is contained meaning, purpose, and ultimately, great joy.
I was dropped off by a stork, or so I was told, on October 18, 1962 in a suburb of Boston, Massachusetts. It was the dawn of a new age in American society – Camelot, it was called, a reference to the honor and nobility of King Arthur’s court. Led by the youngest person ever elected to the office of the Presidency, it was a time of great hope for the country and the world. “Ask not what your country can do for you,” he said – “ask what you can do for your country.” It was a decade of exploring new frontiers, space -- “We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard,” he said.
At the exact moment of my birth, the world was the closest it has ever been – so far as we know – to nuclear holocaust. The Cuban missile crisis was in full swing, and was avoided in large part by Robert Kennedy’s argument that there was no moral justification for a preemptive strike on Cuba. The crisis ended up being solved through peaceful means, through diplomacy.
Eerily enough, I share the birth date – October 18th -- with the man who brought Camelot crashing down. Lee Harvey Oswald, who I believe was an earnest man dissatisfied with the state of the world and his position in it, was seeking a path towards a better tomorrow. It is unclear whether he acted alone or allowed himself to be used by others, but he ultimately expressed himself through violent means, to the detriment of himself, to others, and to the world.
It was into this soil that a young David Leslie Webster was planted, and I absorbed both elements -- great potential for creation and positive change but also the potential for life-altering destruction. Those elements are still within me.
One of the two gardeners to which I was entrusted was also a product of the turbulence of her times. My mother, Marion Havas, was 13 years old when Nazi Germany invaded Hungary in March, 1944. Although christened and raised Catholic, she wore the Jewish star and by some miracle – most probably several -- escaped deportation. Almost half of those murdered in Auschwitz were the approximately 400,000 Hungarian Jews gassed during a ten week period in 1944. I am here today because my mother somehow missed the most inhumane one-way train in human history.
To add insult to injury, my mother could not attend University after the Russians took control of Hungary, due to the fact that her family had been wealthy. In another harrowing experience, she had to risk life and limb to cross the border and leave the country she loved with all her heart. I don’t think she ever got over the loss.
The second gardener, my father, Henry de Forest Webster, grew up with turbulence of a different sort. His father was a world famous scientist who died suddenly when my father was 16. My father worshiped his father, and spent his entire life trying to measure up to his father’s unreachable professional accomplishments. It would be like Michael Jackson’s children trying to duplicate their father’s achievements – an exercise in futility.
My father also was competing against ghosts of a different sort – his ancestors on his mother’s side of the family. One of them is John Taylor Johnston, the founder of New York City’s Metropolitan Museum of Art. Another is Jesse de Forest, the settler who sought and received permission from the Dutch to establish the colony of New Amsterdam, which is present day New York City. Because of the intermarriage of wealthy and influential members of New York society, the list goes on and on. My father felt a tremendous obligation to his legacy – to act in a manner befitting these “noble” ancestors.
These two gardeners had simple expectations for their five seedlings. We were to be obedient and respectful. We were to be seen and not heard. There would be no back talk, no sass. We had one job, and that was to excel at everything we did. This job was not to be questioned. Most importantly, we would excel at school. We would get excellent grades; get into excellent schools; get excellent jobs. We would work hard, and then we would work harder. We would set unachievable goals, and then we would achieve them. We would accomplish, accomplish, accomplish. We would become valued and esteemed members of the status quo. In a status quo garden with a bunch of other status quo plants just like us. And the garden would be beautiful, and all the gardener’s friends and family would marvel at their skill as gardeners. And the plants would be safe and secure and strong, ready to bear fruit and seeds of the highest quality. And all would be good in the world.
The story of my life is the struggle of being raised in this garden and my search for more suitable ones.
My first clue that the garden of my youth might be suspect was the brutality of the environment in which I was raised. My parents enforced their formula for success primarily through fear and violence. I lived at the end of a long hallway, with my sister’s room at the head of the stairs. I remember hearing the door close as my mother arrived home – she would first go to my sister’s room…I listened intently…if there was one thing out of order – something my sister had forgotten to do, some unsatisfactory result at school, something in her room out of place – anything, I would hear my sister cry out. I knew she had either been slapped or was having her hair pulled. My brother’s room was next. I racked my brain in absolute terror, thinking of every possible thing my mother might use as an excuse to hit me. It was not a good feeling.
School provided little relief as well. In fourth grade I broke my arm falling in the school hallway. I later learned someone had pushed me from behind. Groups of boys often waited for me after school or after class to beat me up, give me a wedgie, or, on one unfortunate occasion, lock me under the stage in the school auditorium. Hearing the bell ring for the end of class was often for me the worst sound in the world.
I caught other early glimpses of the inhumanity of the status quo. I grew up in a wealthy suburb of Washington, D.C. People in the neighborhood used to hire housekeepers who were predominantly black or Hispanic. The housekeepers used to stand at bus stops, waiting for the bus to take them back to Washington, D.C. after a hard day’s work. Boys on my school bus used to open the windows and spit on them as the bus went by. It was horrible.
At 16 I was off to Amherst College and got my first exposure to drugs. They played an important role in my life – releasing me from the grip of a stultifying, shy, earnest personality that had been the hallmark of my youth. Under enormous pressure to perform, I did not have the balance in my early life to develop the social skills and the social confidence of my peers. I liked psychedelics; I dropped acid and realized I was utilizing only 1/100th of the power of my brain. I heard the bewitching tones of Jerry Garcia’s guitar for the first time. My life was never the same.
At 18 I dropped out of college, telling my parents that a career, any career, was not for me. In my words, “I would be missing out on too much in life.” I became a bicycle messenger, met my future wife Pam, and at the age of 21 ended up in a mental institution, misdiagnosed with drug-induced psychosis. My father went to court and became guardian of my person and property. I chose not to fight him.
Age 22 - I go back to college, then to the University of Chicago’s Ph.D. program in economics. Age 26 - Pam gets pregnant, my daughter Kaisha is born. I call my parents to report the good news; silence on the other end of the line. Pam and I get married. We are excommunicated from my family. Kaisha is never acknowledged by my parents as their grandchild.
Age 35, receive Ph.D. Age 37, start consulting company. Age 43, do the global pricing strategy for Merck’s HPV vaccine. Age 44, process of profound disillusionment with my professional and personal life accelerates. Feel like I’m making no difference in the world. Setting a poor example for Kaisha by not doing what I love to do, not being who I am. Age 45, move out of the family home, move to the east village, close my business. Receive the nickname hippie lou in a bar on 1st avenue. I like the name. I identify with hippies, who I feel are peaceful. Loving. Not materialistic. Experimental. They question things. They are people of conscience. I start using the name.
Age 46. File for divorce. Run out of money. Lose my east village apartment. Begin a six year run living off the kindness of strangers. Pam awarded $7,500 a month in spousal support. I appeal, showing judge I have no money and no income. Appeal denied. Age 47. In arrears for spousal support, called into court on monthly basis. Have a manic episode, hospitalized involuntarily at Bellevue Hospital for 13 days. Given proper diagnosis of manic depression. Appear day after Bellevue discharge in Pennsylvania court. No relief from the judge. Fail to appear the following month. Bench warrant issued for my arrest. Driver’s license revoked.
My former girlfriend Meral educates herself on mental illness and helps me realize that I have manic depression; she cares for me over the next five years as I go through the long process of coming to terms with my condition. At Meral’s invitation, I join the Mood Disorders Support Group. Start attending weekly meetings after hearing the facilitator of the first group meeting say “recovery is possible.”
Age 48. Lose family home to foreclosure. Bank account closed by IRS. Arrested for first time in my life, spend five weeks on Riker’s Island. Age 49. My girlfriend Iraida inspires me by telling me “your heart is generous and your mind is gorgeous. Make something beautiful of your life.”
Age 50. Enter Chemical Dependency Outpatient Program at Bellevue Hospital. Start working with a talented counselor who really gets me, who really puts the care in “health care.” With several friends, start a “Magic Monday” weekly support group, focusing on acknowledging and utilizing the magic in our lives.
Invited to accompany Magic Monday member/Broadway performer Robin Baxter in her one-woman show on the experience of living with manic depression. We are subsequently invited to perform at AIDs benefits, church benefits, and an awards ceremony honoring the commissioner of New York City’s Department of Health and Mental Hygiene.
Age 51. Enter the 50th class of the Educational Outreach Program at Catholic Charities, but not without first expressing concerns to the Program Director about what I perceive to be the unpleasant parts of the program. Without batting an eyelash, said Program Director sets up a quandary for me. If offered a plate with two things on it - steak (which I like) and broccoli (which I dislike), would I push the plate away? As you can see by my presence here today, I was no match for Miss K.
I actually wasn’t sure if I was going to be here tonight. Last Friday, a dear friend asked me to come with her to Chicago to help out with her 22 year-old daughter, who is experiencing a good measure of what I’ll generously refer to as “life turbulence.” In so many ways, I could see elements of my life in my friend’s daughter’s life. Also, through my efforts to understand my parent’s experience with me, I believe I also understood what my friend was going through as well. I think my presence in Chicago helped everyone in some small way. Here it was -- my life story in action – I was using it to help others! It was a magical experience and one I hope to have the opportunity to repeat many times.
As I returned home from Chicago last night, I had another experience that I consider to be providential. Sometime around midnight, well after I had fallen asleep, my daughter sent me a text message. She doesn’t send them to me that often. It said, simply, good night with a <3.
It was if somewhere, somehow, she knew that my decision to leave her Mom was the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life. That if I knew then what I know now I could have been a much more kind and compassionate person. That I’m sorry for all the pain and suffering everyone has experienced over the last eight years. And perhaps somewhere, somehow, Kaisha understands that we’re all still inextricably connected and hopefully one day will all be collectively better off for our respective journeys.
I’m in a new garden now. The old me is dead and planted in new soil, and I feel so humbled and privileged and grateful to be amongst you all. I’m in a garden with my values, not someone else’s values for me. A garden with my goals, not someone else’s goals for me. A garden with my lifestyle, not someone else’s lifestyle for me. The form of my life follows the function of my life. This is not just a nice idea. When form does not follow function in my life, I get sick; both literally and figuratively. I know this now.
A few years ago, I came across a line of poetry from Petofi Sandor, the great Hungarian revolutionary and poet. It reads, “You cannot bid the flower not bloom, it thrives; when, on mild zephyr’s wing, the spring arrives.” After reading this line I had an epiphany. I realized that no matter what the circumstances of my life or the judgments of the people around me, this flower will bloom.
So my life is spring again, and in this garden, I know the harvest will be bountiful, and the seeds enduring.
Thank you very much.
about dr. {robert} london.
Robert London MD is a renowned psychiatrist, educator, and writer known for his ability to translate complex medical concepts into accessible information and practical strategies for general audiences and mental health professionals alike. Through his appearances on television, radio, in print, and online, he aims to push the door to the psychiatrist’s office wide open so people can talk freely about their mental health concerns—without shame or fear. Dr. London delivers a message of hope and optimism to the thousands of people he’s treated, and passionately believes that many people with mental health conditions can achieve significant improvement or total relief. What’s more, it doesn’t have to take years in therapy.
Dr. London has been a practicing physician/psychiatrist for more than three decades. For 20 years he developed and ran the short-term psychotherapy unit at the NYU Langone Medical Center, where he specialized and developed a number of short term cognitive therapy techniques. He also offers his expertise as a consulting psychiatrist at the Institute for Family Health. A specialist in behavior modification and the various cognitive psychotherapies, Dr. London is widely known for an innovative approach he developed, the Learning, Philosophizing, and Action (LPA) technique.
A prolific writer, Dr. London has penned dozens of articles and columns and has appeared in many publications, including the New England Journal of Medicine; Journal of the American Medical Association; Glamour; and On the Avenue, the late NYC cultural magazine, for which he wrote a regular medical column during the 1980s. Throughout the ‘80s he was also medical editor for Long Island’s Boulevard magazine and wrote its popular “In Your Health” column. Dr. London is best known as the long-time author of “The Psychiatrist’s Toolbox,” a nationally distributed monthly column in Clinical Psychiatry News, which is now circulated online and sold around the globe by Elsevier wire service. He continues to be an editorial contributor to Clinical Psychiatry News.
Dr. London is a media veteran who was host of his own consumer-oriented health care radio program during the 1970s, which was syndicated nationally. In the 1980s he created “Evening with the Doctors,” a three-hour town hall–style meeting for nonmedical audiences—the forerunner to today’s TV show The Doctors. Over the years he has appeared on Good Morning America, Live At Five, Eyewitness News, Good Day New York, the Cable Health Network, and has been quoted extensively in The New York Times, Daily News, New York Post, Newsday, Business Week, and the Los Angeles Times, among others.
He’s an engaging and lively speaker whose presentations feature helpful strategies for patients as well as their therapists. Apart from being the creator of the LPA technique, Dr. London is a leading expert in both hypnosis and short-term therapy. A sought-after lecturer, keynote speaker, and seminar leader, he sheds new light on a myriad of short-term therapies for conquering fears and phobias (e.g., fear of flying, dentists, elevators); managing PTSD, OCD, and other anxiety disorders; overcoming Peter Pan complex and other personality disorders; and improving depression.
His newest work in progress is Feel Better Fast, a self-help book for people seeking practical, short-term, therapeutic strategies to deal with stress, anxiety, phobias, and obsessions and compulsions that interfere with successful living and happiness. Drawing on three decades of clinical experience, Dr. London’s forthcoming book introduces the Learning, Philosophizing, and Action (LPA) method to readers and shows them how to avoid wasting precious time and money on talk therapy that often takes too long to work—or may not work at all.
He lives in New York City and has two adult sons, one a product liability attorney and the other a director of client service at an International phamaceutic advertising firm.
Dr. London has been a practicing physician/psychiatrist for more than three decades. For 20 years he developed and ran the short-term psychotherapy unit at the NYU Langone Medical Center, where he specialized and developed a number of short term cognitive therapy techniques. He also offers his expertise as a consulting psychiatrist at the Institute for Family Health. A specialist in behavior modification and the various cognitive psychotherapies, Dr. London is widely known for an innovative approach he developed, the Learning, Philosophizing, and Action (LPA) technique.
A prolific writer, Dr. London has penned dozens of articles and columns and has appeared in many publications, including the New England Journal of Medicine; Journal of the American Medical Association; Glamour; and On the Avenue, the late NYC cultural magazine, for which he wrote a regular medical column during the 1980s. Throughout the ‘80s he was also medical editor for Long Island’s Boulevard magazine and wrote its popular “In Your Health” column. Dr. London is best known as the long-time author of “The Psychiatrist’s Toolbox,” a nationally distributed monthly column in Clinical Psychiatry News, which is now circulated online and sold around the globe by Elsevier wire service. He continues to be an editorial contributor to Clinical Psychiatry News.
Dr. London is a media veteran who was host of his own consumer-oriented health care radio program during the 1970s, which was syndicated nationally. In the 1980s he created “Evening with the Doctors,” a three-hour town hall–style meeting for nonmedical audiences—the forerunner to today’s TV show The Doctors. Over the years he has appeared on Good Morning America, Live At Five, Eyewitness News, Good Day New York, the Cable Health Network, and has been quoted extensively in The New York Times, Daily News, New York Post, Newsday, Business Week, and the Los Angeles Times, among others.
He’s an engaging and lively speaker whose presentations feature helpful strategies for patients as well as their therapists. Apart from being the creator of the LPA technique, Dr. London is a leading expert in both hypnosis and short-term therapy. A sought-after lecturer, keynote speaker, and seminar leader, he sheds new light on a myriad of short-term therapies for conquering fears and phobias (e.g., fear of flying, dentists, elevators); managing PTSD, OCD, and other anxiety disorders; overcoming Peter Pan complex and other personality disorders; and improving depression.
His newest work in progress is Feel Better Fast, a self-help book for people seeking practical, short-term, therapeutic strategies to deal with stress, anxiety, phobias, and obsessions and compulsions that interfere with successful living and happiness. Drawing on three decades of clinical experience, Dr. London’s forthcoming book introduces the Learning, Philosophizing, and Action (LPA) method to readers and shows them how to avoid wasting precious time and money on talk therapy that often takes too long to work—or may not work at all.
He lives in New York City and has two adult sons, one a product liability attorney and the other a director of client service at an International phamaceutic advertising firm.
Friday, July 7, 2017
okcupid - hippielou
hippielou
54•Manhattan, NY
My self-summary
half of my life
i spent doin' time
for some other fucker's crime.
What I’m doing with my life
trying to figure out what to do with the four million dollars and the horse farm my uncle left me. what do i know about horses?
I’m really good at
finding the poem in people.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
whatever you're reading, watching, listening to, or eating.
Six things I could never do without
the streets of new york, connections, the kindness of strangers.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
that whooshing sound in my head.
On a typical Friday night I am
avoiding the cops.
You should message me if
the moon turns your tides gently, gently away.
Match Questions
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What is the longest you've traveled to meet up with someone from a dating app?
Answer Skip
Show off those cute pet or travel pics
Upload or add an Instagram feed.
Upload photos Connect to Instagram
Personality
Personality traits are based on answers to match questions as compared to the OkCupid population.
More Ambitious More Trusting Less Old-fashioned More Polite More Compassionate Less Conservative More Good-natured
See graph
Straight, Man, Single, Non-monogamous, 5’ 8”, Average build
White, Speaks English and some Spanish, Attended Post grad
Add: Religion
Smokes sometimes, Doesn’t drink, Doesn’t do drugs, Has kid(s), Libra
Add: Diet, Pets
Looking for
women, within 25 miles, ages 18‑99, short & long term dating and new friends.
Browse invisibly
54•Manhattan, NY
My self-summary
half of my life
i spent doin' time
for some other fucker's crime.
What I’m doing with my life
trying to figure out what to do with the four million dollars and the horse farm my uncle left me. what do i know about horses?
I’m really good at
finding the poem in people.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
whatever you're reading, watching, listening to, or eating.
Six things I could never do without
the streets of new york, connections, the kindness of strangers.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
that whooshing sound in my head.
On a typical Friday night I am
avoiding the cops.
You should message me if
the moon turns your tides gently, gently away.
Match Questions
See all
What is the longest you've traveled to meet up with someone from a dating app?
Answer Skip
Show off those cute pet or travel pics
Upload or add an Instagram feed.
Upload photos Connect to Instagram
Personality
Personality traits are based on answers to match questions as compared to the OkCupid population.
More Ambitious More Trusting Less Old-fashioned More Polite More Compassionate Less Conservative More Good-natured
See graph
Straight, Man, Single, Non-monogamous, 5’ 8”, Average build
White, Speaks English and some Spanish, Attended Post grad
Add: Religion
Smokes sometimes, Doesn’t drink, Doesn’t do drugs, Has kid(s), Libra
Add: Diet, Pets
Looking for
women, within 25 miles, ages 18‑99, short & long term dating and new friends.
Browse invisibly
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
things i notice while walking around.
some parents [mostly mothers]
hold their babies
on their chest
facing in
others
hold their babies
on their chest
facing out.
hold their babies
on their chest
facing in
others
hold their babies
on their chest
facing out.
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