I have no advice to offer about how to live in this world.

Aw jeez Lou.

I read most of the attachment. Frankly, the writer could use Spellcheck a bit more often ("Stabel,?" "Destabelize?").

I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through. TBH I do not like psychologists/psychology much, and maybe not at all. I read the paragraph about your physical appearance and dress with a kind of disdainful fascination. Who cares what you look like? Whether you are "slightly overweight" or a "normal weight," or what kinds of necklaces you wear or how you style your hair? Um yeah, your style is eccentric, but so??? People are so quick to jump to conclusions about things like that. The last time I worked my ass off to get down to a healthy weight (this was years ago), people I worked with (my own boss even) assumed the weight was just falling off and was a symptom of mental illness.

And another thing about "eccentric" people: When asked to describe me, people have used the word "eccentric" and I just don't get it. I take it as a slap in the face honestly. I go out of my way not to be weird. I dress neutrally, I say neutral things, I try not to fall too far on the end of any spectrum. But something about me STILL screams "eccentric" to people.

I have no advice to offer about how to live in this world. Until dad died, I struggled with my finances in that I went through money very quickly and was always in debt and the debt kept getting worse and worse. I still owe the IRS from years ago. For the first time in 2018, some of that debt will fall off under the statute of limitations. Only some, but it's a start. I do wonder sometimes if I have an undiagnosed mental illness myself, because of my inability to hold what dad would have called a "real job," my extreme night owl-ness, my inability to save money, and my weight issues which have now become extreme. I also ruminate a lot on things I can't change. And I exhibit symptoms of OCD in that I talk to myself, out loud, in a ritualized fashion. Like, I have to say certain things out loud until I feel better again. I am too self-conscious to discuss the potential OCD diagnosis with a doctor, plus it doesn't bother me much in the sens of functioning in my public life...only in my private life.

I enjoyed our lunch too. I like steak in about any form, though I still say the sandwich could have used some cucumber-dill sauce or something. I like butterscotch too but one bite of the dessert was enough for me. I think that was the first time I ever shared dessert with anyone!!!

I think it's cool you have a PhD. It's usually a pleasure hanging with smart people. I often wish I had the motivation to pursue a Masters, but nothing interests me that much. I have heard of people getting MFA's in Performing Arts, but they are usually very talented performers with a lot of performance experience. Anyway, it's nice to share thoughts with someone who, as you put it, "speaks in metaphor."

So...maybe we can blow up a fireworks stand sometime?

I love you. I love the existential journey you are traveling. It's not an easy journey to endure, for you and those who care about you.

he has chosen an unconventional path right now but one that seems very authentic and optimistic.

Dear friends and family,

I wanted to let you all know that I had a delightful breakfast at a restaurant with David Webster in New York City in early August.  I met his good friend and we had a lovely time.  The staff and owner of the restaurant knew David well and they all treated him with great affection.

I was concerned as I know you all were when we received the email this summer which included the letter from his therapist.  I didn’t know what to expect when I met with him.  I’m glad to report that when I saw him he looked well fed and had a roof over his head.  He spoke eloquently  and thoughtfully.  We reminisced about his life journey and when he came to Elizabeth and my wedding back in 1986!

He had signed up for pubic assistance and was about to find out that week about possible new shelter.  We took some photos, he shared contact info for Pam and Kaisha and we promised to stay in touch.

If anyone else is planning a trip to NYC, I would encourage you to drop David a line.  From my limited perspective, he has chosen an unconventional path right now but one that seems very authentic and optimistic: a path that seems to be leading toward wholeness and well-being.

i can't help thinking that our "love sandwich" had something to do with it.

hi Sandy,

sincere apologies, i've been remiss in thanking you for everything - your visit, your love, your loving hospitality, the beautiful set of curated pictures you sent me a few days ago.  i will treasure you and your visit for a long long time; eternally, most likely.

i was just thinking of you because i had occasion to spend a minute with Shash a few mornings ago; she has a completely different energy, and walked away with a real bounce in her step.  her body language is very different than it has been in the last several years; her shoulders are back, and her head is up.  i can't help thinking that our "love sandwich" had something to do with it, and she talked about how our afternoon together was making a huge difference in her outlook and her life.  it was a good feeling, the power of human connection and "good" souls coming together to lift each other up.

i've been in a bit of a blue streak for the last week, and when your email arrived in the early am it hit me - maybe i'm having a withdrawal from all of the beautiful heart-soul energy i experienced while you were here.  suffice it to say, i am missing you too!

the last week has been one full of stuff which i'm not usually accustomed to...administrative tasks associated with me getting my first layer of maslovian needs through various public and private institutions.  it's not my first choice for the architecture of my world going forward, but in the interim, as i work on getting a 21st century mendicancy program put together, it's an important layer of safety that can keep me happy and healthy for the time being.

i absolutely love the picture of you taken against the white-bordered rectangles and the red metal siding.  very meta!

i have not forgotten about our ivy wall project, and hope to get moving forward with putting together some composites for you and sending them along.  thanks for gently reminding me about it, and feel free to do so in the future.  it's a very important project to me and i think we're destined to work on it together for the benefit of, hopefully, the universe and/or a few souls in it.

with kind regards and love always, hippie lou

i believe in the values behind freeganism (living in a way that's money free): cooperation, mutual aid, etc.

hello hippie lou,

thanks so much for coming out to see me today. i was glad to catch up with you. thank you for getting me the matcha lemonade today, too.

i'm writing to let you know that i actually feel quite discouraged after our conversation today about resisting capitalism. it's an idea that i'm drawn to, because i believe in the values behind freeganism (living in a way that's money free): cooperation, mutual aid, etc.

at the same time, i feel more helpless that the world is so dependent on capitalism. on the bus ride home, i feel like, in some ways, i'm not cut out for life because i'm discouraged / hesitant about my ability to make money and get out of debt.

on a separate note, i also wanted to tell you that i had a hard time interacting with you today, since you took most of the time talking, and i spent a majority of the time listening, even though i had a lot to say. i felt like i had to fight for airtime, and that i had to interrupt you in order to get my thoughts across, because you talked without stopping. i'm wondering, how can i have a chance to speak without interrupting you?

because of that, i didn't have a chance to tell you that i looked into filing for personal bankruptcy as a way to get debt free, but bankruptcy won't lead to that for me. that's because even if i filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy, i'll still have to pay back my student loans. it's unfortunate that, as a high school senior, i blindly believed what my father said, that he wanted to & could send me to "the best private school possible". but he played himself and screwed me over, since he owes $60K in education loans and i owe $30K. in essence, he and my mother sent me to a college that they couldn't afford to send me to. paying that debt down will be one of the biggest fights of my life.

best,

Awwww thankyou so much that meant a lot to me and him I'm sure he likes you a lot because you always give good advice. You might not have money but that's okay because you always have the best ADVICE. Phil just asked me to make deodorant so that's the next DIY thing I'm gonna do a natural deodorant ☺️☺️☺️ I love you

Aw, I'm so glad to have made even the smallest positive impact on your life! ☺️keep spreading your joy!

Then i learned how to dodge the draft by squatting in my friend's mom's brownstone in Bklyn Hts.

overnight with a hippie?

i did that in the late 60's

with my hippie

friends, heh-heh...

Then i learned how

to dodge the draft by squatting

in my friend's mom's brownstone

in Bklyn Hts. Real hard times...

But i'm paying the price now...

(i lived my retirement years in

my 20's and 30's, while i was

young enough to enjoy them!)

which price are you paying, 

and what for?

have not seen you since Columbia in spring;

you wore your headphones the whole

time, and after a short while

you decided to walk downtown

instead of listening to my new

songs at the open stage.

hey no problemo, i have more new

songs you won't want to hear either :>)

i do have one song which features a

turtle and an exploding cello,

auto-destruction, 2017 ! ! !

i guess you are relatively safe and

cared for, hopefully this summer is

merciful. if i had another room for

you i would gladly offer it, but my 

living room has no furniture. 

essentially, my living room is my attic.

(note below > > > >  \/   )

our friend tells me "don't worry, just

buy hippie a coffee and a bagel".

she also tells me yer phone was stolen

some time ago; SO,some no-name clown in

the Bronx has been reading all my 

pleading texts: "Mr. Hip where are

you? Come home, all is forgiven!".

Soon come, mon, soon come . .

I'll meet you at lazy llama one of

these days . . .or the sweet coffee

shop at corner of first and first

with that beautiful woman of the 

future. (your future? certainly not 

mine :>)))

anyroad, wishing you all the blessings

of the season; warmth, light, peace,

fellowship, and no more war...

Doug

P.S. give me a shout,let's hang...

____________________

doug, this is a beautiful message, i really appreciate it.

i meant no disrespect that night at Columbia; it's just 

in my elevated state i am terrible at waiting, truly.

and i am also terrible at being sensitive to the needs 

of others, in the moment, which is not my typical 

disposition, so when it appears, it can be quite jarring 

and alienating to the people who love me and who have 

been loving me throughout the years (as i have been 

loving them).  i consider you one of those people.

in short, when i am sick, i get quite selfish and focus 

exclusively on my own needs.  this manifests itself 

in a myriad of ways, over-talking, interrupting, aggressive 

and inappropriate behavior, bullying, irritability, paranoia, 

etc etc.

don't worry about overnight with a hippie, i'm just sending 

it around to people.  some people like it and pass it on to others, 

others are confused by it, others don't know how to respond 

and/or feel guilty about not responding or not offering me 

an overnight visit.

it's meant for people who would look at an overnight visit 

from me with a sense of anticipation, not a sense of dread.

and the message itself is not intended in any way to give 

anyone a "bum trip," in the parlance of hippies everywhere.

would love to get together with you, to see you.  perhaps 

you have a favorite coffee shop, a favorite place?

i'm happy to travel, friday is open for me at the moment.

happy to hear you are writing new stuff and very happy to 

know you are performing.

music inn (169 w. 4th) still looking for someone who repairs 

instruments, fyi.

the people I'm drawn to seem only to have in common that they tend to be made of a singular combination of ingredients I couldn't have dreamed up myself.

Hmm. I'm not one of those people with a distinct type, or able to make a laundry list of ideal qualities — the people I'm drawn to seem only to have in common that they tend to be made of a singular combination of ingredients I couldn't have dreamed up myself. That said, someone I'd want to spend a whole lot of time with would probably be quietly intelligent, and kind; would like words; would be infinitely curious about the world, and able to enjoy doing absolutely nothing as much as being totally engaged with something; would be part homebody and part wanderer, part city mouse and part country mouse. That would be a fine start, I reckon. As to the rest... definitely message me if you know the rest.

overnight with a hippie.

something magical happens when i'm with people, spending the night.

i never know what it is in advance, or even in the moment.  but with hindsight, it often becomes clear.

i'm a big believer in human connection, in encountering people face-to-face; in seeing what magic or mystery might appear, or not.

i do it in my daily life, in the street, as i walk, in the places i visit, with the people who come across my path, as i come across theirs.

at night, i find shelter from the elements a most useful gift, one that is shared with me by many generous people.

this nightly sharing of space, this osmotic hospitality, distributed amongst a large number of people, so as not to unduly burden any one person, allows me to walk the earth by day, energized; sharing freely of my gifts, both tangible and intangible, as others share theirs with me.

these small moments constitute the threads of my life, delicately interwoven with the fabric of the world around me.

would you like to become one of the sharers of overnight space, of shelter from the storm?  would you like to become an incubator of possibility, of magic and mystery?

feel free to drop me a line at hippielou [AT] gmail [DOT] com, or drop by the lazy llama [72 e. 1st street],  lilliput [265 lafayette street], or the music inn [169 w. 4th street].

with kind regards and love always, hippie lou :) xo

un|becoming** 101

this thing of un|becoming, what is it, how is it, why is it?

something full of mystery, to be sure.  about that let there be no doubt.  sometimes delicious, sometimes confounding.  worthy of consideration, perhapsly?

i have a special relationship with un|becoming.  it has been a source of endless fascination in my life.  fascination with my un|becoming, with the un|becoming of others.

i would love to share this fascination, this childlike wonder, with others similarly inclined.

from my perspective, to un|become is to live, truly.

i have a special affinity for people who feel some discomfort in and/or with their life and the world they live in, and are unwilling or unable to ignore that discomfort.

they seek to understand it, and if possible, to remedy it.

they may not be sure where to start or how to go about it.  they are, however, determined in their quest.

or, having perhaps discovered a better fitting, more hospitable and healthier way of being in the world, they are developing a life and a way of living in which they and others can flourish.

i was and am such a person.

in my life, somehow a room appeared.  and a time.  and a day of the week.  and some supporting materials.

a safe space in which to share, to incubate, to encounter; perhaps, ever so slightly, to un|become.

i am reaching out to interested folks.  there are no age restrictions.  there are no pecuniary costs.  there are no prerequisites other than a curiosity, an openness, a desire.

shall we talk?

with kind regards and love always, hippie lou


**un|becoming = unbecoming and/or becoming. :) xo

We are not famous like them.

From: BRAMSTOCKER Civic Punk
Date: Thu, Aug 10, 2017 at 11:04 AM
Subject: How BrAmStOcKeR cancelled the Presidency of Donald TRUMP!
To: Hippie Lou


Hi Hippie Lou:

I invite you this Saturday for the comeback of my band in New York, after many years, for only one song but the song that will succeed to stop the present chaos about Donald TRUMP at the White House!

The Sex Pistols released GOD SAVE THE QUEEN, this is the sequel of it in the United States but this time with a social content: we can cancel this Presidential election and vote again for the Midterm next year in November! By the way, I will be candidate like BON JOVI could be with Kate MOSS on his ticket.

We are not famous like them, me and my wife and associate, Jessie ANDREWS. Consequently, you must support our project that is not-for-profit and sincere! We want an improvement of the American society and an amendment of the Constitution to organize a IVth Reich of the democracy to stop definitely the risk of a continuation of World War II and Nazism that was an ideology dysfunctional with antisemitism.

Regarding BrAmStOcKeR, we were in 1977 victims of a conspiracy that was international against our French band. 40 years later, it is neutralized by the time, our strategy and our talent! You are a part of our network that can decide to upgrade us in order to have in America The Beatles of the 21st Century: an emblematic group playing Metal and House together (Jessie is a DJ and a fashion model) for a concept we promote in our debut album of 12 songs, FAKE PUNK.

Thank you for your time and see you on Saturday (the open mic is at 147 Bleecker Street from 1 to 6, be there for the whole show)!

Frederic VIDAL, PhD