phil was so vulnerable to him
but dylan would play with him
the way a cruel person might
when you know you have the
full affection of someone else
and you toy with it.
and that went on
over and over with
phil and dylan.
it was a very big part
of phil's pathology, i believe.
some alcoholics you want to push away
and some you want to take care of
some of them you have a
sense of their worth and their
struggle and their gift
they bring out the love
and the concern
and i think that's what happened with phil
he couldn't stop drinking
and i know it was guilt
he felt very guilty about his daughter
and about his marriage
when you make mistakes
there are no time machines
to rectify mistakes
so mistakes are lodged
like harpoons
and fish hooks
in an intelligent person's soul
and i think phil couldn't get beyond
those personal harpoons
that made him feel in some ways
worthless.
