because i can't imagine there's a huge list of them who can accept the things you have to do to make yourself heard in new york city.

how sweet of you lou. i only saw the first part of yr msg while i was at work and wondered what the amazing msg was that you were gonna tell me about. i was so surprised to find that it was the msg i sent you!

i took a really big leap when i decided to leave and didn't know if there would be anything better on the other side of the chasm i leaped from, and it hasn't been easy, but i know i'm where i belong as strongly as i knew i wasn't where i belonged before. gratitude is important, but also courage, just the same as what you did and were prepared to do to find your own happiness.

what's interesting is that women i know who are younger, prettier, thinner are not doing as well as i am and are actually jealous of me- how strange is that? people don't understand that besides the gratitude, attitude is next important. when you're happy, everyone wants a piece of it and people can see that i'm happy. just got hit on again yesterday at my job. it always surprises me. and they're usually way younger than i am. unbelievable!

i've been learning to treat myself better than i ever have my whole life. everyone else always came first. now i buy myself fresh flowers once a week, get a pedicure with a sassy dark color, have beautiful lingerie in bold colors, treat myself to a completely frivolous pretty pair of shoes once in a while. i never used to indulge in such things. who knew a great pair of shoes would put a smile on my face all day long? and if it makes me feel pretty, then it's worth it. i've always been so practical, but now i temper it when possible.we're all responsible for our own happiness.

i've been sick with laryngitis all this wk & it drove me crazy not to be able to sing, but my voice is just strong enuf now to be able to do a 3 part harmony last night. that is so much fun when it fits right. so beautiful. i joined a bunch of bluegrassers for red river valley. not my style but i can do it. now that a bunch of ppl have heard me sing, they're getting interested in collaborating for a duet or playing backup for me. that's got me very excited. my fear is gone now and there's only joy. i found a great bunch of ppl to play with and we've become friends in less than a month since i started going.

just got my review at work today and got the maximum raise for my payscale. i wasn't sure that would happen, though i've always gotten excellent reviews consistently, because there's been so much turmoil in my life in the year since i came back to work full time after being sick and then leaving my husband, packing & moving, court dates, house sale, figuring out dating and social life, i've been more scatterbrained than usual but trader joe's where i work has been very flexible and forgiving when i forget what time i'm due in, or space out occasionally.

you're such a kind sweet man lou. i can't imagine that you're not inundated with women. perhaps you are. if you lived near me, i would love to hang out with you. i'm pretty content with the man i'm seeing, but it's too early to be thinking about anything other than having a good time and catching up on all the good stuff i was missing when i was married.

thank you for all your kind words and encouragement. it means a lot to me. how is my story encouraging to you? it seems to me that you have already been living your dream and sacrificing things and maybe relationships to hold onto it. how long have you been living the life you dreamed of? i thought it must be a while, but maybe it hasn't been all that long. how did your gig go, or did that happen yet? please tell me about it. i know what the life of a street busker is like, and it's full of sacrifices but full of rewards as well. i believe in the happiness index rather than money and things to define success. the people in costa rica have it right. but not everyone in this country would feel successful based on their definition. the things that most impress me about people are things that have no monetary value.

i hope that, if you haven't already, you find some wonderful woman who can accept the life you lead and encourage you to do what makes you happy, because i can't imagine there's a huge list of them who can accept the things you have to do to make yourself heard in new york city. a lot of people don't want to struggle and end up giving up their dreams in favor of comfort.