Wednesday, November 7, 2012

i don't like it for the following reasons...it's asymmetric and somewhat disrespectful.

if you'd like to have coffee, i usually get some every morning between 8 and 9.30 at la colombe, 270 lafayette.  that might not be convenient for you so if not i am open to suggestions.  peace & <3 with kind regards and looking forward to it, hippie lou

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send me your number, and i will call you.

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hey, i can send you my number, but with trepidation.  for two reasons...one is i don't use it much...i have my ringer off (silent, not vibrate) and i haven't set up my voice mail...so i don't often pick up calls unless i happen to be  looking at my phone at the exact moment something comes in.  the other reason is that every person i've ever sent it to on okc has used it to do a "screening" interview.  not my cup of tea; never liked them in the corporate world and don't like them in the okc world either.  anyone who uses the phone to screen ppl out for jobs and/or friendships is probably someone i'm not going to get very excited about.  but, never say never, and stranger things have happened.  peace with kind regards, hippie lou

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Would like to talk on the phone. Can't imagine why you wouldnt set up your voicemail.  How do you stay in touch with the outside world?
How do you screen a cell number, guess I am naive.  Too many red flags here.  Prove me wrong.


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hi, thanks very much for your note.  re not setting up voice mail, believe it or not, i am old enough to remember a world without cell phones, voice mail, and even answering machines.  people seemed to stay in touch just fine, as i recall.

re screening, perhaps i wasn't clear enough.  what i meant was people use the phone to "rule out" prospective employees and in the case okc, prospective friends.  i understand why people do it -- they often have a list of, for lack of a better word, deal-breakers, and they want to make sure that people they meet with are free and clear of those deal-breakers.

in the case of a job, an employer may want someone who can work nights and weekends, and so they accept resumes, pick out a set of people they are interested in, and call them.  "can you work nights and weekends?" they ask.  if the answer is no, it's thanks and goodbye.  for the employer, it saves them time...if someone came in for an interview, the employer probably wouldn't kick them out right away....they would chat and then say thanks but no thanks.

in the case of okc, some women follow a similar approach.  i don't like it for the following reasons...it's asymmetric and somewhat disrespectful...the implicit message is my time is more valuable than yours and i don't want to waste it by meeting you for coffee unless i'm sure that we're somewhat compatible (ie no deal-breakers).

and i've found that i don't relate well to women (and men) with checklists, because more often than not they involve having a day job and all the usual accoutrements of a "normal" life.  i) i don't have anything resembling a "normal" life and ii) one feels a bit like a piece of meat, as perhaps many women feel about guys who have a list of physical and/or age requirements.  my only prerequisites are i) being a decent human being and ii) having a heartbeat...within that framework i'm pretty flexible.

i know some women are concerned about safety but from my perspective, we are meeting in a public space around lots of people so how dangerous can it be? it's not that serious...peace with kind regards, hippie lou