Aw jeez Lou.
I read most of the attachment. Frankly, the writer could use Spellcheck a bit more often ("Stabel,?" "Destabelize?").
I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through. TBH I do not like psychologists/psychology much, and maybe not at all. I read the paragraph about your physical appearance and dress with a kind of disdainful fascination. Who cares what you look like? Whether you are "slightly overweight" or a "normal weight," or what kinds of necklaces you wear or how you style your hair? Um yeah, your style is eccentric, but so??? People are so quick to jump to conclusions about things like that. The last time I worked my ass off to get down to a healthy weight (this was years ago), people I worked with (my own boss even) assumed the weight was just falling off and was a symptom of mental illness.
And another thing about "eccentric" people: When asked to describe me, people have used the word "eccentric" and I just don't get it. I take it as a slap in the face honestly. I go out of my way not to be weird. I dress neutrally, I say neutral things, I try not to fall too far on the end of any spectrum. But something about me STILL screams "eccentric" to people.
I have no advice to offer about how to live in this world. Until dad died, I struggled with my finances in that I went through money very quickly and was always in debt and the debt kept getting worse and worse. I still owe the IRS from years ago. For the first time in 2018, some of that debt will fall off under the statute of limitations. Only some, but it's a start. I do wonder sometimes if I have an undiagnosed mental illness myself, because of my inability to hold what dad would have called a "real job," my extreme night owl-ness, my inability to save money, and my weight issues which have now become extreme. I also ruminate a lot on things I can't change. And I exhibit symptoms of OCD in that I talk to myself, out loud, in a ritualized fashion. Like, I have to say certain things out loud until I feel better again. I am too self-conscious to discuss the potential OCD diagnosis with a doctor, plus it doesn't bother me much in the sens of functioning in my public life...only in my private life.
I enjoyed our lunch too. I like steak in about any form, though I still say the sandwich could have used some cucumber-dill sauce or something. I like butterscotch too but one bite of the dessert was enough for me. I think that was the first time I ever shared dessert with anyone!!!
I think it's cool you have a PhD. It's usually a pleasure hanging with smart people. I often wish I had the motivation to pursue a Masters, but nothing interests me that much. I have heard of people getting MFA's in Performing Arts, but they are usually very talented performers with a lot of performance experience. Anyway, it's nice to share thoughts with someone who, as you put it, "speaks in metaphor."
So...maybe we can blow up a fireworks stand sometime?
